My Angel, my Savior
by little rosebud
Summary: I was losing Daryl, the only person aside from Carl and Judith that I couldn't bear to lose, both for the group and for my sake. He was my sanity, my strength, my friend, my confident, and so much more. I didn't realize back then just how much he meant to me. I just knew that letting him leave with Merle was the greatest mistake I ever did. Pairing: RickxDaryl
1. Chapter 1 : Feels like home

**A/N: **Hi guys!

I'm back with a second Walking Dead story! This story kept haunting my mind and I finally got down to writing it. I hope you'll enjoy!

This one contains warnings for violence, blood, implied sexual situations between two males (both consensual and not), strong language and spoilers from episode 3x09 to the finale of season 3. You've been warned!

As always, I do not own the characters nor the universe of Walking Dead. It is the property of AMC. I'm also not making money from this.

So, enjoy! I'll see you at the end of the chapter!

* * *

**My Angel, my Savior**

**Chapter 1 : Feels like home**

When I saw Daryl leave with Merle after we freed him from Woodbury, I really didn't expect him to come back to us in the end, when we needed him most. I forced him to make an unfair choice, to choose between his two families. That was selfish of me, but I couldn't help it at the time.

I didn't want to lose Daryl, but I couldn't compromise the whole group either. Because if Daryl came back to us, Merle would follow and I knew trouble would arise. So I forced Daryl's hand, foolishly hoping he would abandon his brother – his own blood – for us.

I was deceiving myself.

When I watched him go away, every muscle in my body was screaming at me to grab his arm and prevent him from leaving. My mind was pleading furiously at me to say anything to keep him with us, but no words came up at the time. I couldn't believe what was happening. I was losing Daryl, the only person aside from Carl and Judith that I couldn't bear to lose, both for the group and for my sake. He was my sanity, my strength, my friend, my confident, and so much more.

I didn't realize exactly how much he meant to me at the time. I didn't know why my heart seemed to be torn apart into pieces when he left.

And when he came back, two days later, saving my life in the process during the governor's attack, I felt complete again. I felt _right_. I was so glad that he was back that I accepted Merle into the group, despite the others' protests, especially Glenn's.

I knew now that I couldn't kick Merle out, that Daryl would ultimately leave again if I did. I saw it into his eyes; I saw in Daryl's eyes this unspoken plea not to ask him to choose between his brother and us again, because he _couldn't _choose.

I knew I wouldn't. I _needed _Daryl to stay.

The day of his return, I wanted so badly to talk to him, but I didn't have a single occasion all day. Everyone was in an uproar about the governor's attack, and it took everything to calm them down and stifle the fire. I finally managed to get everyone to sleep – except for Glenn who volunteered for guard duty – and have them wait until the next day to discuss about the next course of action.

When everyone was finally asleep, and Merle safely locked into the main area to make sure he didn't stir any trouble for at least one night, I went in search of Daryl. He had retreated somewhere earlier in the evening, without as much as a word to me or anyone else about where he was going. I didn't want to admit it, but I was worried sick about him. I noticed earlier that something seemed off about him since he came back.

Determined to see how he was doing, instead of going to sleep like everyone else, I strolled down the hallways of the prison, searching for the hunter. When I didn't find him in the entire Block C, I began to panic. It wasn't in Daryl's habits to wander that far away from the others. A feeling of dread settled in my stomach and it made me uneasy.

I left Block C without delay and wandered down the hallways towards Block D, the one we had cleared for the prisoners. I hoped with all my being that I would find him there, alive and well.

It should have alarmed me how much I worried about Daryl. I didn't care for anyone else that much nowadays apart from my kids.

I finally reached Block D and that's when I heard it; a faint sound that sounded a lot like furious pacing. And I could just picture it; Daryl pacing up and down a random room, restless. That was so like him that it would have made me smile if I wasn't so damn worried. So instead, I hurried in the direction the sounds were coming from. I turned the corner of the hallway and finally, there he was.

I had guessed right; Daryl was furiously pacing in the communal area, his eyes cast down on the ground and his precious crossbow discarded in one corner of the room. His face, usually blank of emotions, was showing his turmoil quite clearly to me. Something happened with Merle; now I was sure of it. Something that was serious enough to put Daryl in that state.

I didn't like it one bit.

I took a step forward and Daryl abruptly stopped and turned around on his heels to face me. As he did so, I saw him wince. It quickly disappeared, but I was sure I didn't imagine it. Then I remembered that fight in the arena and how Merle had beaten his own brother down without any remorse. Daryl had gotten a good beating and there was no way he was not feeling it right now. I would have to check those wounds for myself.

Daryl looked at me with tired eyes. He seemed liked he hadn't slept in two days, and I realized then that it must have been the case. We never used to sleep much when we were out there in the open with the walkers. We never could.

"What ya doin' here, Rick?" He asked me tiredly.

I took a few slow steps forward, stopping when I saw him ready to take one back. I realized a while back that Daryl didn't like for people to approach him too much and I respected that. He often made me think of a wild cat; reluctant to get approached, but when you managed it, managed to get under that tough skin, he was the most loyal person on earth.

"Looking for you, in fact. What are _you _doing here?" I returned his question while skillfully hiding my worry towards his wellbeing.

Daryl observed me carefully for a few seconds before shrugging lightly, which made him wince once more. I frowned at that.

"I just needed some space, is all," he answered evasively.

I knew pushing him wouldn't help in anything so I didn't ask the reason for it. But he was hurting and if anything, I wanted to take a look at him and see if there was anything broken or anything that needed to be taken care of.

With that in mind, I took another step towards him and threw him a serious gaze.

"I don't mind giving you that, but only after I had a look at your injuries," I replied evenly.

Daryl visibly tensed and I didn't miss the way he huddled on himself, as if wanting to protect himself from my prying eyes. It was nothing obvious, but my trained eyes saw it. I didn't comment on it, though.

"I ain't got any injuries, man," Daryl denied almost brusquely.

I didn't back down, though. I knew how stubborn he was and that I might even have to put up a fight to get my point across. This was too important for me to pass up though, so I would do whatever it took to get the upper-hand.

I folded my arms and didn't budge from my place a few feet away from the hunter. He was shifting restlessly now, and up close, I could hear the way his breathing came out harsher than it normally should. This was enough to prove to me that my hunch was right.

"Come on, Daryl. You can't tell me you're not hurt, not after I saw Merle beat the shit out of you two nights ago," I replied firmly in a tone both angry and worried.

I wanted to punch Merle so damn hard for what he did to Daryl, but I contained this rage because now was not the time. Looking after Daryl was the priority.

Daryl was always the priority.

Daryl observed me then, in that way of his that reminded me of a wild animal. Soon enough, he cast his eyes on the ground, completely evading my searching gaze. By that gesture, I knew even before he opened his mouth, that the next words that would leave his lips would be utter bullshit.

"I'm fine. There's nothin' to worry 'bout," Daryl answered with annoyance.

I sighed impatiently. I knew he would make things difficult, but I was in no state to argue with him any longer. I was worrying too much about him and the sole thought that he could be in pain right now and I did nothing about it yet was eating away at me.

"I don't believe you. Now I'm not leaving here until you let me take a look at you. I can go at this all night. It's your call," I argued firmly, seeking his gaze.

Silence answered me, in which Daryl finally lifted his gaze back to look at me. In those blue orbs, I saw more than I wanted to see; I saw pain, hurt, a turmoil so vivid that it nearly stopped my heart in my chest. It was so raw and haunting that I wished I knew what caused this.

I was so caught up in these haunting eyes that I almost missed Daryl's next words, spoken in annoyance; "Fine, you win. Ya stubborn son of a bitch."

I took no offense in Daryl's insult, because I knew he wasn't really thinking it. Spending almost a year in Daryl's company, I dared to think I began to know him well. It was his way of giving up while keeping a semblance of control.

I nodded and gestured to the nearest cell. "Let's get in there and have you sit on the bunk," I said, waiting for Daryl to go first.

He obeyed, but not without a sour look on his face that made me think of a sulking child. I had to hide a smile at the thought. For all his toughness, Daryl was so much like a child sometimes it amazed me.

Daryl briskly walked to the open cell, leaving his crossbow behind. For other people, I wouldn't have thought anything of it, but this was Daryl. The fact that he left it there, therefore leaving himself vulnerable spoke much of his trust in me. It made me feel strangely warm inside. I didn't know what I did to earn the trust of this man, but I was grateful to have it. It meant more to me than any words could describe.

I followed Daryl in the cell and found him already sitting on the edge of the couch. I sat next to him and motioned to his vest and sleeveless shirt.

"Let's get these off first," I asked in a much more gentle tone.

Daryl hesitated then. He threw me a furtive look and tensed once more. I wondered briefly on his reaction, but then I suddenly recalled that time Daryl had come back to the group after his search for Sophia and was shot by Andrea. When Hershel had been treating his wounds, I had seen it.

The scars.

They had been nasty scars, the type of scars that were no accident. Someone had done that to him, and seeing Daryl's reaction now, I had no doubt that he was ashamed of it. He must be, because I didn't remember another time I had seen him bare-chested. Daryl was always careful to never expose himself in front of anyone else, and God knows we didn't have the luxury to have privacy anymore. But Daryl always managed it somehow.

I felt suddenly bad about asking Daryl to reveal himself, because there was no doubt in my mind that it was a big deal for him and probably also too intimate, but before I could say anything, Daryl silently shrug off his vest and began to unbutton his shirt.

I stayed still, fearing that if I moved, he would stop and shy away from what needed to be done. He was nervous, I could see it in the way his hands shook subtly. After a while, he was done and he shrugged his shirt off, letting it slide from his broad shoulders and exposing his bare skin.

Despite having seen it once – the scars on his chest, at least – I still cringed at the sight of them. Daryl stayed still, his whole body tense as a board, and it gave me the time to really see the extent of the damage.

There were long ragged scars that seemed to have been done by a pointed knife, along with round cigarette scars. Countless small scars were also littering his otherwise smooth skin. But the biggest ones - the ones littering his back - were made by what seemed to be a belt, or something of the sort. I was no stranger to abuse, having worked dozens of these cases, and knew by now the signs of it.

Someone had abused Daryl, marred him, scarred him, defiled him.

Anger pooled in my gut, a deep and primal rage that threatened to burst out, along with a frightening protectiveness towards Daryl. How could someone do that to him? Daryl was the most selfless, kind-hearted man I knew! He hadn't deserved this! Nobody deserved this, and especially not him.

My rage was so strong that if I had the one that did this to Daryl right here in front of me, I'd make him wish he was never born.

And then a thought occurred to me; what if it was Merle? Those scars were most likely done to Daryl during his childhood, because no one could lay a hand on him now and live to tell. What if his brother had done this to him? It was possible. The mere thought was enough to make my blood boil in my veins and I clenched my jaw shut tightly.

I didn't realize I was staring intently at Daryl's scars until he shifted uncomfortably and avoided my gaze, steeling his awkwardly on the ground. I opened my mouth to ask him who had done that, but Daryl was quicker and he spoke in a quick and snapping tone; "Don't."

He didn't need to say anything more for me to understand he didn't want to talk about it. Still, I needed to know if it was Merle, because if it was, if he was the cause of those scars and that pain, there was no way I would let Merle anywhere near Daryl again. It would be over my dead body.

So I paid no heed to his warning and asked in a shaky breath; "I understand you don't want to talk about it, but I need to know one thing; was it Merle?"

Daryl's gaze snapped back on me in an instant and for a second, it was burning with a deep anger. But he must have seen in my eyes the deep concern and worry I was feeling since he was quick to soften and back to avoiding my gaze again.

"No. Merle'd never do that to me," he answered quietly and begrudgingly.

His expression closed off and I knew that I wouldn't get anything more out of him. I was a little relieved to know Merle wasn't responsible for those scars, but it didn't make my anger any less strong.

Still, those scars shouldn't be my concern right now so I pushed that anger down the best I could and took a look at his injuries instead. I winced when I really took in the amount of the damage. Daryl's sides were a mess of colors, as was his lower back. Black and blues were littering his skin and I feared the worst seeing this.

I didn't waste any time and reached for the damaged skin. When my fingers brushed Daryl's right side, he jumped slightly and pushed away from me for a brief moment before settling down again, tension obvious in his entire body.

I paid it no mind and let my fingers feel his bruised skin. It must hurt like a bitch because Daryl's breath hitched in his throat and he clenched his fists tightly on his knees. But Daryl never complained, and I really didn't expect him too. He was the kind to always hide his pain and I admired that strength, though I wished he showed it more sometimes.

I kept on feeling around his sides, hoping I wouldn't find any broken ribs. At some point, I must have hit a tender spot since Daryl hissed loudly and jerked away from my hands.

"Sorry, did I hurt you?" I asked worriedly.

Daryl shook his head slowly and slowly settled back down again.

"Nah, it's just really sore," he answered quietly while stifling another hiss.

I nodded and went back to work silently. While I did so, it occurred to me that it was the first time I could really take a look at Daryl and it hit me how much weight he had lost. Of course I had seen how lean he got with time, how hollow his cheekbones became, but to see his ribs and how there was not even an ounce of body fat on him alarmed me.

Daryl was always the first to go hungry if it meant someone else could have another helping of food, I knew that and I hated it. But that was just how Daryl was. He was the most selfless out of all of us and it seemed like no one apart from me was seeing it. It made me feel even guiltier about forcing Daryl to choose between Merle and us after our escape from Woodbury.

He hadn't deserved that. It had been so unfair.

That guilt kept growing and growing in me, making it harder to suppress with each passing second. I still managed to finish checking Daryl's injuries and was relieved to note no injuries worse than bruises that would fade with time.

When I finished checking over Daryl, I bent down, picked up his discarded shirt and handed it to him.

"There you go. As far as I can see, you're good. Sore for a couple of days, but nothing that won't heal," I managed to say past the growing lump in my throat.

Daryl quickly took his shirt and threw me another furtive look, though he let that one linger longer on me.

"Thanks," he muttered and hastily began to button his shirt back. I watched him in silence for a short moment, but soon I couldn't contain the guilt anymore and I broke the silence.

"Daryl, I… I'm sorry," I uttered in a tone full of guilt.

Daryl's fingers stopped in mid-work and he turned his gaze on me. He frowned and a look of confusion washed over his tired face.

"'Bout what?" he asked me, genuinely confused about my apology.

I held his stare as I answered what had been weighting on my mind for two days.

"I never should have asked you to choose between us and your brother. It was selfish of me. I just… I knew that the idea of Merle living with us was not welcomed by many of us and I have to admit I felt the same way. But you… we need you. _I _need you. I couldn't lose you, so I tried to keep you only and it was wrong. I don't think an apology's gonna cut it, but it's all I have," I said shamefully, pouring out everything I felt, knowing Daryl deserved it.

Once I finished, I saw a mix of emotions appear in Daryl's blue eyes. I couldn't discern them, though. They were quickly gone and the hunter was avoiding my gaze again, lowering his eyes to concentrate them on his fingers that had resumed buttoning up his shirt.

"Don't fret it. I can see why ya all didn't want Merle 'round. He's a jerk most of the time," Daryl answered so quietly that I almost didn't hear him.

That answer surprised me. Daryl loved his brother and would do anything for him, and I had foolishly thought he would always turn a blind eye on his actions and deny his bad nature. He wouldn't have said that a year ago. Daryl had grown so much from the first time I saw him, it was incredible. He went from throwing squirrels at my face to full on trusting me and ready to lay down his life for us.

And he was so much more open about his feelings and his thoughts. It made me want to know more and more about him and I jumped on the opportunity. My eyes stayed glued on Daryl's face, taking in the way the few rays of moonlight danced on his features.

"If you know that, then why are you putting up with him?" I asked without really thinking and immediately wanted to slap myself, fearing that such a personal question would make Daryl close himself to me right now.

He surprised me when he merely shrugged dismissively and bent down to pick up his vest.

"He's blood. The only family I got left," he replied to my question with a brief hint of uneasiness.

Daryl didn't like to talk about himself. I knew next to nothing about him, and yet, I felt closer to him than to anyone else in the group. Because I knew this, I should have known that the next words that left my lips were the worst I could have said.

"What happened to your mother? Your father?"

As soon as the word "father" left my throat, Daryl reacted in a way I never saw before. His eyes widened in a mix of fear and hatred and his entire body tensed so much that I feared he would snap. It was such a violent reaction that I was paralyzed for a short moment and my brain took that time to process what I was seeing and why.

And when I finally realized why Daryl reacted like that about his father – or at least I thought I did – Daryl had stood up, his vest held tightly in his shaking fist, and was making for the exit of the cell in a fast movement.

I acted on instinct.

I had the gut feeling that if I let Daryl go right now, something would break between us. I had crossed a line I didn't realize I had and it could destroy the trust he had put in me. I couldn't let that happen.

"Daryl, wait! I'm sorry!" I exclaimed right as I latched out and grabbed his wrist, yanking on it to prevent the hunter from fleeing.

I yanked too hard though, or maybe Daryl was just too tired and too weak right now to put up much of a fight.

Daryl was turned around by the strength I used and he stumbled back towards me. He didn't have time to try to catch himself and he fell straight on me, his chin bumping on my shoulder while my jaw painfully hit the side of his head.

Hisses of pain were heard, but I was too knocked out to register if it was me or Daryl who'd uttered them – maybe both of us. It took a few seconds for the pain to recede enough to let me regain my senses, and when I did, I froze in shock and bewilderment at the position we found ourselves in.

Daryl had landed half on top of the bunk and half in my lap. I could feel one of his strong thighs between mine, dangerously close to a very sensitive area. One of his hands had found solace on the edge of the bed while the other was gripping my shoulder tightly for balance.

He was breathing heavily against my neck, making shivers rise up on my skin. His strong, lean body was pressed against me, leaving nothing to the imagination. Daryl was incredibly warm, like a burning furnace, and I felt my body react positively to it.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I never thought I would feel this again after Lori's death, even less towards someone of the same gender.

Lust. Desire.

That realization shocked me so much that I couldn't react or say anything when Daryl finally came to his senses and pushed away enough to meet my eyes. But even though I returned his gaze, I wasn't really seeing him; I was too lost in my own thoughts that were coming and going furiously in my head like a hurricane. Where did this feeling of lust come from? I never once before felt a thing towards another male before, never even thought about experiencing it.

But then I understood. Gender didn't have anything to do with it. I desired Daryl for who he was. This lust was coming from somewhere much, much deeper that I finally grasped. My fast beating heart and the strange sensation in my stomach was proof enough of that.

I cared for Daryl. I cared for him much more than I should. This need to protect him, to have him with me at all time, to be in his presence, to know he was safe, this tendency of relying on him that I never had towards anyone else…

Daryl had wormed his way into my life, my heart, without me noticing it. Until now. Feeling him that close to me for the first time finally made me open my eyes and see what I had stubbornly refused to see before.

I wanted and needed Daryl in every sense of the word.

I don't know if it was because there were no rules anymore, no sense of right or wrong anymore, or because of this apocalyptic and chaotic world we found ourselves in, but instead of frightening me and disturbing me, this realization made a strange sense of peace settle into my chest. A feeling of home.

Daryl felt like home.

But then, I realized something else. While I was lost in thoughts for who knows how much time, Daryl hadn't moved either. I finally focused my gaze on his face and steeled myself for what I would read there. I prepared myself for rejection, anger, disgust, any reaction of the sort. Because even if I was strangely at ease with the prospect of me and Daryl being together, I was sure he wouldn't, if he even felt remotely the same towards me as I did towards him.

I was certain he would not stand for that. He might not be a racist, homophobic bastard like his brother, but he grew up in such an environment, probably having those ideas beaten repeatedly inside his head.

My eyes hesitantly met his and I was shocked by what I saw in those blue orbs. There was hesitancy, fear, uncertainty, confusion, but no disgust, or anger, or anything of the sort. Daryl seemed to be waiting anxiously, eyes frantic and fidgeting, unsure if he should bolt through the door or stay. Waiting for what, my mind could only guess. And what I had in mind, I was sure he was not ready for.

But then again, Daryl constantly surprised me, day after day. It was one of the aspects I appreciated and admired the most in him.

I stared back at him, my eyes searching for anything that would help me guess what was going on in his head. We were both unmoving, still in that awkward position. That Daryl hadn't tried to climb down from my lap yet was a mystery to me. Maybe... maybe it meant I had a chance after all? That maybe he felt like I did?

While my mind was furiously debating on what I should do, my body found a mind on its own. My hand shakily rose from its place on the bed and came to cup Daryl's cheek tenderly. Daryl jumped nervously, but he didn't flee from my touch. He merely shifted restlessly, his eyes frantically shying away from my burning gaze. I didn't know what to think of it, so I kept my hand still, leaving Daryl the time to pull away if he wanted to.

My heart was beating so fast that it resounded loudly in my ears. I was surprised Daryl didn't hear it. Time stretched on, and when Daryl still didn't pull away, I found the courage to go along with what my heart desired. My hand still on his cheek slowly slid around his neck to settle on the back of his head, leaving shivers in its wake. Daryl was so close to me that I felt it all and it only made my desire and anticipation deepen.

My fingers curled in his hair and I gently brought the hunter closer until our lips were merely an inch apart. Daryl went pliantly with the movement, and I felt his fingers still gripping my shoulder begin to shake. Our breaths mingled for a moment and I stared at those chapped-looking lips that were there for the taking. I saw them quiver slightly and the tip of a rosy tongue slid out to nervously moisten them.

That was the final straw that finally pushed me over the point of no return, where there would be no turning back.

I pulled Daryl the rest of the way in and finally, I could taste those lips. And from that moment, I was lost.

The touch of those lips sent a fire down to pool in my stomach. It was foreign, the scrape of stubble against my chin, and the feel of a hard body against mine, but not unwelcomed. There was something about Daryl that made me crave and need more. I gently moved my lips against Daryl's, and it took me a good moment to realize he wasn't responding to the kiss, and that his body was incredibly tense. His fingers were clutching my shoulder so hard it hurt.

Fear boiled into my veins then. I feared I read him wrong and that Daryl didn't want this in the end. I was about to pull away, an apology ready on my tongue, when Daryl finally relaxed and hesitantly returned the kiss, moving his lips against mine a little awkwardly. It felt like he didn't know what to do and it occurred to me that maybe – if what I guessed about Daryl's life was true and how he was acting day to day – it was his first kiss.

That maybe he never did anything remotely close to this. That thought thrilled me more than I wanted to admit.

My hand soothingly caressed the back of his neck while I gently guided Daryl into the kiss. He was a fast learner, much to my delight. His lips, slotted against mine and moving languidly, tasted like heaven to my now intoxicated mind. That touch fed the burning fire inside of me that threatened to engulf me whole. I was on a quickly derailing train and there was no jumping down from it.

Our lips parted for us to breathe, only to meet again a few seconds later. I felt that if I didn't taste those lips again, I would die. I suspected Daryl felt the same if the way his lips grew more eager and insistent with each passing second was any indication.

My free arm slipped around Daryl's narrow waist and I brought him as close to me as I possibly could. Daryl hesitantly obliged and slipped fully into my lap, his strong thighs straddling mine and slotting his hips against mine. The friction it caused made us both gasp in the other's mouth and I drank the sound like it was the sweetest wine there was.

I never expected Daryl could be that passionate, that wanton, nor did I expect this to happen at all. But now that I had Daryl in my arms, willing and so unbelievably _warm,_ I couldn't remember not wanting this, not _craving _it. The world outside ceased to exist; everything faded away and nothing mattered anymore other than Daryl.

I thought I would go crazy when Daryl pressed even closer to me, as if wanting to melt into me, and slowly circled my neck with his arms. I replied by kissing him more demandingly and let my hand still behind his neck slowly caress down his protruding spine – God he was so skinny – to the small of his back, earning shivers in return and a quiet moan that got lost between our lips.

Daryl abruptly broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine, breathing heavily in the silence of the cell. I questioningly searched for his gaze, feeling panic and fear rise in me. I feared that Daryl had changed his mind, that it had been nothing more but a moment of madness that had made him act that way. I was terrified of the idea, to tell the truth.

Daryl had closed his eyes, preventing me from reading in them what he might be thinking. My fear soon grew so powerful that I couldn't contain it anymore.

"Daryl… What – " I never could finish my sentence because a pair of lips were on mine again, silencing me and reducing my brain into mush.

The kiss was quick, but hot. When he broke the kiss, Daryl looked right into my eyes, with such intensity that I believed he could see into my very soul.

"Don't talk. Not now," he spoke with a wrecked voice.

Knowing I was the one who caused him to lose his composure was exhilarating. I had so many questions about what was happening between us right now, but I was quick to grant Daryl his wish. I didn't want nor could break this spell, this moment of madness that overtook us.

Daryl was right. We would have time to talk about it later.

I firmly grabbed Daryl's hips and knocked him over on the mattress. The air was knocked out of his lungs and Daryl looked up at me from underneath me. His icy blue eyes bore into my soul with an intensity that shook me to my core. Every last slim thought of stopping this was gone out the window then.

There was no turning back anymore.

I gently pressed my hunter against the mattress. I buried my fingers in his hair and saw his eyes flutter shut and his body relax under me. My heart jumped in my chest at the sight. Daryl was offering himself to me, without a second thought. He trusted me enough to let his defenses down, to let me in, to let me take whatever I wished to take from him.

That was the most beautiful and meaningful thing I ever witnessed.

My hands curved around his narrow waist and I pressed my lips against his jaw, leaving a trail of delicate kisses along it. Daryl reacted by slipping his arms around my back and he sighed softly, shakily. Giving me his consent.

And I took it.

Our hands nervously fumbled with buckles and buttons in the moonlight lit room, slowly tugging them free gradually. All the while, I continued to reverently trail tender kisses across Daryl's temple to his neck, and my hunter shivered, leaning into the touch in an almost imperceptible movement.

Hands searching, eyes closed, we moved slowly, working through layers of clothes and emotions. Our fingers traced the curves and dips of bodies, both of us seeking some kind of secret that would lead the other to come undone. And with every layer of clothing slipping away, so did my self-control.

How could it be any different, when Daryl was right there with me, looking at me with those eyes that were so trusting and almost loving?

_We're both searching for something_

_we've been afraid to find_

It was my first time making love to a man, and I suspected it was Daryl's first time ever. It was frightening, overwhelming, awkward, passionate, and exciting all at the same time. There was no doubt in my mind that I would have drowned in this ocean of emotions if Daryl wasn't right there with me experiencing those same emotions. It was bleeding from us both, and we reveled in it.

_It's easier to be broken_

_It's easier to hide_

The small slivers of moonlight draped themselves heavily across the floor and the bunk, illuminating Daryl in a haunting light. By now, we were both a little breathless, both all over one another, both in a little too deep in each other.

Both wanting to see how deep it could get.

I ran my hands through that mess of brown hair - it had grown so much since I first saw Daryl - splayed out against the dirty sheets, and I admired my hunter almost reverently. I couldn't help but want to feel Daryl with my hands, to run them over the rough skin of his cheeks, to trace the curve of his slightly opened lips. And all the while the hunter had hazy blue eyes locked on me, almost glinting in the darkness, sucking me in.

_Looking at you_

_Holding my breath_

All the emotions that we ever felt, it was right there, spread out on our faces to see. All exchanged, all spelt out in delicious sensations. In burning touches, kisses, and caresses. And I had no choice but to finally admit what I was: addicted. Daryl was my obsession; a tempting, dangerous obsession, and I couldn't stop. Not anymore.

I needed more of him, just like I needed air to breathe.

_For once in my life_

_I'm scared to death_

I remembered it all now, all the signs that led to this moment that I blinded myself to before. The long glances that we exchanged and that were always enough to understand each other without words, the brush of shoulders whenever we walked side by side, the fierce glances in battle, as much a plea as it was a warning not to lose, not to die, the moments we spent together hunting, taking guard, understanding and completing each other in a way I never thought possible with anyone before then.

I could never get enough of Daryl, I realized that now. This attraction ran a lot deeper than I first realized. It had always been there, brewing under the surface from the very beginning, from the moment I first laid eyes on Daryl in that camp in Atlanta.

I just blinded myself to it.

_I'm taking a chance_

_Letting you inside_

But now, I saw it as clear as day. But I couldn't say it to Daryl, because I didn't know how. It was need, want, hope, desire. Daryl was my drug. He made me feel real, feel true, feel _sane_, for the first time since I woke up in this new world. Daryl was the only one who ever knew who I truly was, who I wasn't and who I wanted to be. Even Lori didn't see as much. Daryl saw me for who I was. And he accepted all of me.

No, I couldn't tell Daryl how hard I'd fallen for him, with no hopes of climbing up the steep. How I was lost in those blue eyes, with no hopes of ever being found.

_The world that I see inside you_

_Waiting to come to life_

Daryl's eyes were glazed over, his reddened lips parted slightly. With heavy-lidded eyes, I took in the way his cheeks were tinted a slight red, and blues darkened with desire met my steady gaze. In the darkness it was all I really needed to see, because I saw everything in those bewitching eyes that said nothing but meant everything all at once. We had never needed words from the very beginning.

Words could never be strong enough to describe what we felt, what was taking place right now.

_Waking me up to dreaming_

_reality in your eyes_

I was suddenly tugged downwards for a scorching kiss. Our tongues met for the first time, and followed some kind of knowing dance, hot and slick. Yet innocently, clumsily all at once, discovering each other for the first time, as did our bodies.

Soft touches, skin against skin, lips pressed against flesh. New smells, new tastes, new sensations, new feelings. We drank in every second, dragging it out for as long as we wanted. Because we wanted to take our time, to be slow, to do it _good_, to give it meaning.

No matter how fast the world was turning, how little time we may have left, nothing would ever make me rush this. Daryl deserved nothing less than that.

_Looking at you_

_Holding my breath_

Daryl accepted me in the most intimate way possible, and my heart squeezed painfully in my chest when I saw his lovely features becoming drawn with pain at the initial burn. I held him close and kissed his tightly-closed eyes in a heartfelt apology.

Daryl returned my embrace tightly, clinging to me like a lifeline. My voice whispered sweet nothings and apologies in the silence of the room, even if I knew nothing I'd say would be enough to make up for what Daryl gave to me, what he kept giving to me.

There wasn't anything he wasn't ready to let me claim and there was nothing I wasn't ready to give in return.

_I'm taking a chance_

_Letting you inside_

We went slow, and it felt better than if we had rushed it. I committed it to memory, the way Daryl kissed me almost shyly when I let sweet nothings and little confessions slip past my lips. I wanted to remember in every detail the tender touches and the burning caresses that made me lose just a little more of my control and sanity with every passing second.

I wanted to remember how it felt like for both of us to come undone; how it felt to see Daryl lay all his secrets bare for me to see, all his scars and wounds of the past; how it felt like to have him give himself over completely to me.

This meant so much more than anything else ever did.

_I'm feeling alive all over again_

_As deep as the sky, under my skin_

And I made him know how much it mattered to me, how touched I was of the gesture and that I wasn't going anywhere. That I would always be there to hold him through the nights if he desired so.

It was more than sleeping together, more than mere lust and crude sexual desire, more than just satisfying our frustrations. It had always been the both of us, too caught up in one another without knowing it. And now that we finally crossed that line, we could never have enough and would always want more.

_Like being in love for the first time_

This moment was about making love, about reading into what it meant to have a body offered willingly to you, for you to take anything and everything you wanted. For you want, really want, to give and give and _give _until it felt like you were taking. It wasn't about words. Words would never be strong enough to describe what we both felt towards each other.

_Maybe I'm wrong but I'm feeling right_

_Where I belong with you tonight_

And I loved so much that it almost hurt. I wanted more of that burn, that bittersweet pleasure only Daryl could make me feel. And I wanted to make my hunter feel safe, complete. I wanted to make him forget whatever left him just a little bit more broken than before, what had wounded his soul so deeply.

I wanted to make him _whole_ again. Loved, desired, sacred. Just like he deserved to feel.

_Like being in love to feel for the first time_

In the darkness of the cell, there was no talking, just soft contact and caresses that burned. Just small little sounds that escaped our throats, every breath, every moan, and every soft sigh we took while we were tangled up on top of the sheets.

The sliver of moonlight was all that guided us and the stars watched on, the same unfeeling witnesses they always were, watching in the moment we created a world just for ourselves.

And I watched that lovely face beneath me, face flushed and eyes slid shut in pleasure, a soft cry escaping Daryl's reddened lips; lean body arching up in bliss against mine, brown locks thrown back carelessly against the ruffled sheets.

And god forbid, it felt so _right_.

_We're crashing into the unknown_

And when it was over, I didn't know how long it was afterwards that I spent watching Daryl, allowing myself a small tired smile, but perfectly content and sated. And I waited for Daryl to have recovered before sliding my arm around his narrow waist and bringing his back against my chest, pressing kisses against the scarred skin of a bare shoulder that seemed to glow under the light of the moon.

I almost expected him to push me away, not taking Daryl for the cuddly type. He surprised me when he simply laid there, pushing a little closer into my embrace, and watched the shapes that the light was casting across the floor, two bodies melting together to form one dark shadow.

I simply breathed in Daryl's scent, heavy and smelling like some kind of home I had lost a long time ago.

_We're lost in this_

_But it feels like home_

Blue eyes finally turned to me. Still bare, still raw from our lovemaking. And I wondered if Daryl ever noticed just how handsome he was, how desirable, and I decided that he probably didn't. But it was fine, because hopefully I would be here to tell him that from now on, and to enjoy the clumsy embarrassment that was sure to follow.

My voice was soft and honest as I kissed his ear, gently, lovingly. The words I uttered were barely more than a whisper, but Daryl heard them clearly.

"I can't get enough of you."

Daryl didn't speak back. He accepted the brush of my lips against his own, eyes falling shut as he kissed me back, languidly. His answer was simple and told me clearly that he didn't mind it.

And knowing that made it one of the happiest moments in my life.

I smiled sleepily in return. Daryl was warm against me. The cell smelled like us now, a simple mix of our scents, and it was enough for us both to be lulled into sleep; tangled up together on the sheets, silent comforts and unspoken confessions splayed out in our flesh.

And I remembered wishing, just before falling asleep, that this night would be the first in a long series of nights where we would be just a little too caught up in each other.

* * *

**A/N: **End of chapter 1!

Wow, I'm rather proud of myself for finally being able to write a non-explicit sex scene. Sorry for those of you who wanted it to be explicit. I just thought it fitted the mood I wanted for this fic better that way.

I tried my best to keep both Daryl and Rick in character, while showing how their relationship can go from friendship to lovers - which I personally totally can see happening in the TV show - but it is quite a challenge O_O They're so complicated... So sorry if you think they're too OOC!

So, what did you guys think? I'm really liking writing it so far, so I'd really appreciate your feedback to know if some of you want me to continue!

By the way, the lyrics written in italic in the last part are from the song "First Time" by Lifehouse.

Thanks a lot for reading me!

See you next time!

Rose


	2. Chapter 2 : Slice of happiness

**A/N: **Hi guys! I'm back with chapter 2! There was such a favorable response for chapter 1 that it gave me a boost of energy and I'm thrilled to continue this story! Thanks so much for everyone who reviewed, favorited and followed this story so far!

Now to Eve, who I couldn't respond to before in a PM: Thanks so much, you're such a sweetie! I'm so glad that you read my last walking dead story and to have you reading this one too! Thanks for your lovely compliments! :)

So as usual, I don't know any of the characters nor the original story of the series. It's the property of AMC. I don't make money out of this.

So that's pretty much it! I'll see you at the end!

* * *

**My Angel, my Savior**

**Chapter 2: Slice of happiness**

Waking up the next morning, I was at peace for the first time in a long time. I felt incredibly warm, and my mind seemed to be all foggy, groggy even. I couldn't remember why it was I felt so warm and most of all, content. I slowly opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was a mop of brown locks only an inch away from my face. I didn't need more of a hint to realize who was currently sleeping in my arms as my memory came back in a rush.

Daryl. I slept with Daryl last night.

My mind was suddenly assaulted with the memories. I remembered the sheer _heat _and passion as we moved together towards completion, the way Daryl came undone under me, the way his burning skin came alive under my touch, the soft whispers and sighs he uttered against my skin, his addictive scent that wrapped around me like a blanket, his delightful body in which I lost myself completely and without regret…

Just thinking about it made me crave more. I realized I was completely addicted. Now that I looked at things in the harsh light of day, I knew that last night wasn't just a fleeting moment of madness. It had awoken in me a burning desire that I wasn't sure could be satisfied one day. I had felt complete, at peace, at _home_.

I didn't regret what happened for one second. But would Daryl?

A deep fear gripped my heart at the thought. Even though Daryl proved to me last night that he wanted the closeness I offered, would he want this – whatever _this _was that we had – to go on? I knew I did, but would he?

I tried to smother that gut-wrenching fear. Daryl wasn't awake yet – or at least he didn't seem to be if his deep breathing was any indication – so there was no need to panic until then. With that in mind, I gently pressed Daryl closer to me and buried my face in his neck, breathing in his addictive scent and hoping time could freeze right then.

I froze when I felt Daryl slowly rouse in my arms. It was now or never, I realized. For the first few seconds, the hunter didn't seem to realize I was holding him. However, when he did realize, I wasn't ready for his reaction. His entire body tensed and before I could anticipate it, he trashed around violently, trying to get free from my embrace.

I was too stunned to react, and because of it, I didn't release him in time. Daryl made a noise much like the hiss of a trapped animal. It was feral, fearful and dangerous. He twisted in my arms and his elbow harshly met with my nose.

I hissed in pain and finally released Daryl to hold my sore nose. My heart squeezed painfully in my chest when I saw Daryl recoil as far away from me as he could on the small cot. Daryl's back pressed against the wall and he clutched the sheets tightly against his chest. His wide, panicked eyes were staring right at me, _through_ me, staring at a ghost of his past.

I felt a deep rage coil in my stomach at the thought that someone hurt Daryl so deeply that he'd react that way to being held and touched. I took no offense at Daryl's reaction, though. I knew that whatever – _whoever_ – Daryl was seeing right now wasn't me. I pushed my pain and my rage away for now, knowing that calming my hunter and pulling him away from wherever he was now was the priority.

"Hey, Daryl, I'm not going to hurt you. It's me, Rick. You're safe here," I whispered in a gentle, caring tone, hiding my worry skillfully.

Daryl was breathing hard, and he kept staring through me with those panicked eyes. Now I felt truly worried. I had to snap him out of there before he had a heart attack. What I was about to do was risky to say the least, but I had no other choice since my voice didn't seem to reach him.

I hastily grabbed Daryl's forearms and before he had the time to react, I yanked him closer until our faces were merely an inch apart. He struggled even harder than before, but I wasn't about to let him go. I searched for his panicked eyes and when I could not make eye contact with him, I tightened my hold on his forearms and shook him harshly.

"Daryl!" I exclaimed strongly, and finally, those panicked blue eyes met my calm ones.

Daryl grew insanely rigid in my arms and he flinched as if he expected me to hit him. It tore apart at my heart, but I forced myself to ignore it.

"Daryl, it's me, Rick. It's Rick…" I whispered softly, my eyes pleading for my hunter to recognize me.

It took a long time, but eventually, the fear that was so potent in Daryl's eyes morphed into recognition and then guilt.

"Rick?" Daryl uttered my name with uncertainty, like he still didn't believe I was real.

I smiled weakly at him, and finally released my hold on his arms.

"Yeah, it's me. It's okay now. You're with me," I said in a gentle, calming tone.

Daryl's eyes searched in mine and finally, he relaxed and exhaled a soft shaking sigh of relief. Then, he resumed avoiding my eyes and his hands gripped harder the sheet covering his nudity.

"Sorry 'bout that," he muttered quietly with a hoarse voice.

I shook my head and sought his eyes. When I couldn't find them, I carefully lifted my hand and cupped Daryl's cheek gently, turning his face towards me. Daryl still didn't look at me and it worried me.

"Hey, Daryl, look at me," I pleaded softly.

Those lovely blue eyes were soon on me and I could read shame in them, and it scared me. What was Daryl ashamed of? Of his reaction just now, or of the night we just spent together?

"You don't need to be sorry for anything. You did nothing wrong, Daryl," I tried to reassure him that I took no offense in his panic attack just now.

I didn't inquire about it; I figured if Daryl wanted to speak about it, he would in due time. I didn't want to push my luck and I was the first to know that some things are too painful or shameful to be told.

Some things took time and I was ready to give Daryl all the time he needed.

Daryl slowly nodded and looked away again. His hands nervously played with the sheet and I had to stop the urge to take those hands in my own and stop their fidgeting. I felt nervous as hell too, but I did my hardest to hide it.

Daryl looked nervous enough for us both.

I knew we couldn't avoid talking about last night and what it meant, even if I might not like what would result of that talk. We couldn't just sleep with each other and act like nothing happened. I wouldn't let it, not when it mattered so much to me.

But before I had the time to start the conversation, Daryl cleared his throat awkwardly.

"So… it wasn't a dream," he said flatly, and so quietly that I almost missed it.

I stayed silent then, taking in Daryl's words for a moment and their meaning. I was relieved that Daryl wasn't going to act like nothing happened between us, but the tone of his voice had me worried. I had no idea what he was thinking in that head of his and I needed to know where we stood.

It was with a heart pounding madly against my ribcage that I asked; "Do you wish that it was?"

I mentally congratulated myself on how steady and calm my voice sounded. It showed nothing of the anxiety I felt, waiting for an answer that would either fill me with happiness or mercilessly crush me.

Silence answered me, and for a few seconds that felt like an eternity, none of us moved or said anything. My question was heavy in the air, smothering me. Then finally, Daryl met my eyes again and slowly shook his head.

"No. I just... I just have a hard time takin' it in, is all," he answered awkwardly, and it was obvious Daryl didn't really want to talk about what happened.

I let out a relieved sigh. At least Daryl didn't wish that it never happened. But now, I needed to know where we would be going from here. No matter how uncomfortable the subject made Daryl feel, I needed to know.

I smiled shakily at my hunter, trying to put him at ease. I slowly reached for him and his eyes quickly darted on my advancing hand, but he didn't move. Taking it as my cue, I gently took one of his hands in mine, prying it away from the sheet slowly.

"Daryl. I know you probably could do without this right now, but before we go back to the others, I need to know where we stand. If last night was just a one-time thing, or if you want this to go on," I finally asked what has been weighting on my heart, holding his gaze steadily.

Daryl bit his lip nervously and his eyes shifted for a moment on our joined hands before returning on my face.

"What 'bout ya?" He finally asked in a nervous tone.

This made my smile widen and I chuckled quietly. Confusion shone in Daryl's blue eyes. I tightened my hold around my hunter's hand.

"You always do what the others want, what _I _want. You never question any orders I give you, even if sometimes you should. I admire that in you, but sometimes it's okay to do what _you _want. So I want to know what you want. This isn't about me; it's about _us_. If you don't want a relationship with me, I'll walk away and never ask again. But I need to know," I pleaded softly, and waited for the moment of truth, the moment that would decide everything.

I didn't have to wait long for an answer this time. Daryl leaned forward without any warning and he landed a quick kiss on my lips. I was so stunned that I didn't return it, but I wouldn't have any time to do so anyway since my hunter was already backing away.

"That enough of an answer?" he said quietly, meeting my eyes with embarrassment to let me know how sincere he was.

And I couldn't help my reaction after that. A huge grin appeared on my face and I gathered Daryl into a strong embrace. He didn't flinch away this time, nor did he try to fight me off. He merely let me do as I pleased, and hesitantly returned the embrace after a moment.

I felt a happiness that I rarely felt before fill me. I knew that simple kiss was Daryl's way to say he shared my feelings. It meant more coming from him than any "I love you" that I knew I probably would never hear from him. But it didn't matter. I knew how he felt, because Daryl would never let anyone in if he could help it. But now, he'd given me all the keys to his heart and body.

It was all I needed.

When I finally released Daryl, I kissed him gently, lovingly. He accepted my kiss, and returned it with a soft sigh that got lost between our lips. When we reluctantly parted, I gently pressed our foreheads together and sighed happily. I didn't remember the last time I felt so content, so at peace. Right now, it was easy to forget everything that was looming over us; the governor, the walkers, the end of the world...

Daryl was making it so easy to forget everything but him.

Daryl softly called my name and I opened my eyes to stare into his worried ones. That made me frown and I slowly parted from him to see his face more easily.

"What's the matter Daryl?" I asked, feeling worry creep into me.

The hunter hesitated a moment, but he finally got the heart to say what was on his mind.

"Could we just keep this a secret from the others? It's just..." he began, but didn't seem able to finish his thought.

It didn't matter, because I understood what he wanted to say and I finished for him; "Because Merle won't like it, won't he?"

Daryl's silence and the way he guiltily avoided my eyes were an answer enough. I couldn't blame Daryl for wanting to keep our relationship secret. Merle was bound to react violently if he knew his brother was dating a guy, let alone me, who was responsible for him losing his hand.

No, I couldn't blame Daryl, and I had to admit I feared the reaction of some of the group's members too, namely Carl and Carol.

It was best if we kept this a secret for as long as possible, even if it meant we would have to always hide to get some intimacy.

I smiled gently at Daryl and brushed away a strand of his rebellious hair sticking to his forehead.

"Okay, then. It might be best that way," I answered.

Daryl visibly relaxed. He then looked at the barred window in the hallway. I followed his gaze and realized the sun was already up for a couple of hours. The thought worried me, because I knew that the others were surely searching for us right now. We had a lot to discuss, after the governor's attack, Daryl's return and Merle's presence with us.

"It's already late. Ya should probably go 'head. It's best if we don't show up together," Daryl suggested.

I nodded and reluctantly pulled away from my hunter to search for my clothes. I dressed up in silence, feeling depressed about leaving Daryl, part of me thinking that I'd never go back to what we shared even if Daryl assured me we would.

When I finished dressing up, I turned around to face Daryl, to see him still watching me intently. He didn't move from his place covered by the bed sheets, and I understood he wanted me to go before dressing up himself. I respected his need for intimacy, even if part of me thought there was no need for that since I'd seen every part of him last night. But I understood that for Daryl, being bare in front of me in broad daylight was completely different than under the darkness's veil.

I understood and I respected that.

I leaned forward and stole a last kiss from my hunter's lips. When we parted, I smiled at him and was glad to see Daryl half-return my smile with one of his own.

"See you later then," I whispered and after I received a nod in return, I slowly left the cell and Daryl to return to the others.

I mentally braced myself for the difficult day that was sure to await me.

* * *

When I arrived at the communal area, everyone else was already up and eating in a tense silence. As soon as I entered, every pair of eyes were on me. It made me self-conscious, and I thought for a second that they all knew what I'd done during the night with Daryl.

Then I mentally called myself paranoid. There was no way they could know. The only reason they watched me like that was because they expected me to have all the answers concerning what we should do now after the governor's attack. But I wasn't ready to deal with that for now, at least until I ate something first.

So I ignored the stares and merely muttered a good morning to the group before going to serve myself some food. I was in the midst of doing just that when I heard footsteps approaching. I turned around in time to see Daryl enter the room. I watched him intently and didn't miss the way he fidgeted under the curious gazes staring at him. He muttered a quick good morning and quickly made his way to my side to serve himself some food too.

When we locked gazes, I threw him a small, secretive smile that Daryl half returned before turning his attention on the food.

I felt a heavy gaze on me then, burning a hole through my skull. I turned my head around and my eyes met the cold gaze of Merle Dixon. He was staring at me from his place leaning against the far wall of the room, his blue eyes creased with suspicion and distrust. I returned it with a fierce glare of my own, making it clear to Merle that he wasn't intimidating me. It was obvious he hated having me anywhere near his brother.

Well, I wasn't about to let him have his way.

Just like I expected, the day was hectic to say the least. Between having to assign more guard shifts, having to calm Glenn down when he made a fuss about Merle being with us, and Andrea coming by to ask us to stop this war that we didn't begin, I thought I would go even more crazy than I already felt.

So I really didn't need it when Glenn started a fight with Merle when the latter made another snide remark about him and Maggie. It's probably why I blew up like I did. Luckily, Daryl wasn't there to see what followed since he had taken the latest guard shift.

My fist violently met with Merle's nose, sending him sprawling to the floor. Before he had the time to recover, I lifted him up and with Glenn's help, threw him in the nearest cell. As soon as the sound of the lock was heard, Merle was up and roaring, banging against the bars of the cell that separated us.

"You best let me out, pig!" He roared angrily.

I merely stood a feet away from the cell to make sure that he wouldn't touch me and glared coldly at him.

"Or what? You seem to forget that you're here only because I said so. Now you keep trying to pick up fights and we're gonna have ourselves a problem," I threatened him, but even so, I knew there wasn't much I could do. I knew I couldn't kick him out; Daryl could be leaving with Merle if I did, so it wasn't an option. But I could at least make Merle's life in the prison a living hell if he kept it on.

Merle snorted and smiled maliciously.

"And what exactly are ya gonna do, officer friendly? I think ye're forgettin' my brother already left ya for me once," he insinuated with malice.

A hint of fear filled me at the thought. I didn't need Merle to remind me of that fact. Daryl loved his brother so much that he was ready to abandon us for him, even if he was the biggest prick I ever landed my eyes on. But that was before. Now I wondered if Daryl would still have the heart to leave us, to leave me, now that we were in a relationship.

My heart throbbed painfully at the sole thought.

I hid my uncertainty and snickered at Merle, which seemed to make him angrier.

"But he came back. _We _are his real family, and he knows that," I replied coldly, victoriously.

Then, without waiting for any kind of answer, I turned around and began to walk away, Glenn on my trail.

However, I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard Merle's voice resounding from behind me; "What ya doin' to my baby brother? He's not the same anymore!"

There was accusation in that angry voice, but there was also a hint of worry and fear that Merle had probably wanted to hide, but it showed through. Despite everything he was, despite being the big bag of dirt that he was, Merle sincerely cared for his brother. I knew that, and it was the sole reason why I wasn't beating the shit out of him for treating Daryl like he did.

I signaled to Glenn to go on ahead and once he hesitantly did, I turned back around and made my way back to Merle's cell. I stood in front of it and defiantly met the redneck's blue eyes, the only trait he had in common with his younger brother.

"What we did? We began treating him like a human being, like his own person. He found his worth in this group. He's earned his place," I replied with pride at the thought of the long way my hunter came from.

He had truly earned his place, both in my group and my heart, and I would be damned if I let Merle destroy that.

The latter snarled dangerously at me and threw me daggers with his eyes as he banged his hands once more against the bars.

"He's following ya like a lapdog. He lost his goddamn spine! And look at him! He's become so skinny! Bet ye're giving him the scraps of yer plates, huh?" He accused me aggressively.

His allusion made anger quickly rise in me. How dare he insinuate that we treated Daryl like a dog! He knew nothing about us, so how dare he!

I banged my fist against the metal bars and looked straight into Merle's accusing eyes.

"Shut your damn trap, Merle! You know nothing! All those years, you thought you knew your brother, but you didn't. You were always there to smother him, to prevent him from finding who he truly was. But now he found it. He's happy with us! And if I see you trying to get in the way of that, I will destroy you. Have I made myself clear?" I seethed dangerously, knowing Merle would understand the death threat shining in my eyes.

I didn't wait for an answer. I hastily left Merle alone, and this time, only silence accompanied my retreat towards the rest of the group.

* * *

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I avoided being near Merle again, because I knew I'd probably get into another fight with him and I didn't want to do it for fear of upsetting Daryl. That was the last thing I wanted to do.

Late in the evening, while Beth sang one of her beautiful songs, I joined Daryl and Hershel while holding Judith in my arms. I didn't get to spend much time with Daryl since this morning and I longed to be close to him. It was crazy how much I wanted to be in his presence now.

Daryl didn't seem to mind, though. He was throwing me quite a lot of quick glances that went unnoticed by Hershel. Even though Daryl was trying to keep it discreet, I could see them and what I saw in those eyes moved me; fondness, gentleness and longing.

It made me feel inexplicably giddy.

For the second time that day, I felt a heavy gaze settle on me. I turned my face and met Merle's gaze, who was standing in the open doorway to the communal area. He was glaring darkly at both me and Daryl, and I felt a chill run down my spine at the intensity of that gaze. Now I was sure of one thing; I wasn't the only one who noticed Daryl's glances and Merle was definitely onto something.

We had to be more careful.

I ignored Merle the best I could and announced to both Daryl and Hershel that I'd go on a run tomorrow to get some weapons and ammunition. We were running low and we had to get something to defend ourselves against that crazy governor.

As soon as I told them of my intention, Daryl suggested to accompany me, but I shot him down quickly. I didn't miss the slight glint of betrayal and deception in his eyes and it tore at my heart, but I quickly explained to him why I didn't want him to come. He had to keep an eye on Merle. I didn't trust him not to raise hell while Daryl and I would be gone.

Daryl seemed to understand and he begrudgingly agreed. I told him I'd take Michonne and Carl instead and worry filled my hunter's gaze at that. He didn't trust Michonne, that was easy to guess. But I wanted to give her at least a chance. She seemed capable, and we could use her against the governor.

After that conversation, it wasn't long before everyone retired to sleep except for Maggie on watch. I was to relieve her in a couple of hours. Still, I couldn't find sleep that night. Too many thoughts were swirling in my head and were preventing me from finding sleep.

I was watching my daughter sleep in her makeshift crib when a soft knock was heard against the bars of my cell. I lifted my gaze and smiled fondly when my eyes met Daryl's. The hunter half-returned my smile and gazed awkwardly around.

"I thought I was the only one that ain't getting' any sleep," he muttered quietly.

I chuckled softly in return.

"No, you're not. Getting some decent sleep seems to be a luxury these days," I commented quietly.

Daryl hummed in response, and he stilled, watching me with his piercing eyes. I thought I understood what he wanted but that he didn't seem to find the courage to ask. I decided to help him.

"Do you want to come in?" I asked in a gentle tone.

Daryl nodded and entered my cell. He silently took a seat beside me on the cot. I observed him carefully and up close, I could finally see the worried line crossing his forehead. It worried me.

"What's wrong, Daryl?" I asked softly.

Daryl stayed silent for a moment, biting his lower lip in a nervous gesture. He finally lifted his troubled eyes on my face.

"I don't like it. Lettin' ya go out there without me," Daryl muttered, slightly embarrassed in admitting it.

I was touched that he was worried like that about me. It showed how much he cared for me and I was grateful that he trusted me enough to show it to me.

I smiled mirthlessly at my hunter.

"I'm more worried about you being in here, what with that crazy governor after us. I'll be much safer out," I argued.

My answer didn't please Daryl. He frowned and was about to argue, but I cut him up with a kiss. His surprised gasp was drunk by my greedy lips. His tense body relaxed after a moment and Daryl let himself go against me, his hands clutching at my shirt.

The same feeling of home overwhelmed me then. Daryl's scent filled my nostrils and it immediately calmed some of my fears. Daryl was right here with me, and he would still be when I'd come back. He had to be.

I pulled apart when we needed to breathe. My hand carefully cupped my hunter's cheek as if he was made of glass; a fragile, beautiful glass doll. I smiled at Daryl when I saw the worry still present in his blue eyes.

"Don't worry, I'll be careful. And if anything happens while I'm gone – " I began, but Daryl didn't let me finish.

"I'll protect 'em all. Nothin' will happen to 'em," he said fiercely, with a protectiveness that made me wonder again on how far he came within this group.

I smiled sadly at Daryl and softly caressed his cheek.

"I know. That's what's worrying me. Knowing that you'd put yourself in danger to protect the others. If anything was to happen to you… I'm going crazy just thinking about it," I admitted quietly.

My words troubled Daryl deeply. I saw it in the way he tensed and how he avoided my eyes to hide the emotions that clouded his own. He seemed at a loss for words and I almost felt bad for making him so uncomfortable.

To my surprise Daryl was quick to recover and he snorted, trying to hide his reaction.

"Ye're already crazy, Rick," he merely stated and it was so blunt and so honest that I was left speechless by it. Before I could place a word, Daryl showed me one of his rare smiles that always made my heart beat faster.

"But I'm crazy too. Why else I'd go out with ya?" he muttered with slight embarrassment.

I couldn't help my reaction then. I laughed quietly, and soon enough, Daryl was laughing along with me. I was grateful to Daryl for how carefree he made me feel sometimes. It was something I lacked cruelly in this new world.

Without giving any warning, I grabbed Daryl by the hips and let myself fall backwards on the cot, bringing him with me in my fall. Daryl landed on me with a surprised yelp. He tried to lift himself back up, but I tightened my hold around his waist and kept him close to my chest. I felt Daryl stiffen, probably hating feeling trapped. I moved my lips to his ear and whispered pleadingly;

"Stay with me until my guard shift. Please."

Daryl stopped moving at once and after a few seconds, he relaxed and let me hold him like I wanted to. I had a small secretive smile as I thought of my hunter as a stray cat; he was wild and ferocious, but once you caught him, took care of him, he was yours forever.

I dared think Daryl was mine alone and that he'd stay that way as long as we'd both live.

Daryl settled more comfortably against me and muttered words that made me smile like an idiot.

"Clingy idiot cop…"

There was no malice behind the words, and I began to understand that it was Daryl's way to hide his emotions behind a tough façade. He wasn't fooling me, though, and that's why I didn't release him and merely held him tighter against me, not wanting to let go of this little slice of happiness.

I wasn't hearing Daryl complaining.

* * *

**A/N:** Here goes for chapter 2!

I hope it was to you guys' liking! I'm still trying to keep the characters as much IC as possible, so bear with me if it's not perfect ^^' I'm putting them in situations that we've yet to see, so... yeah, not always easy ^^'

So, I'd love to know what you guys thought of this chapter! Thank you for supporting me!

Take care and see you in the next chapter! I don't know how long this story will be, but for what I have in mind, it will be quite a couple of chapters ^^

Rose


	3. Chapter 3 : I ain't anybody's bitch

**A/N: **Hi everyone! I'm back with chapter 3!

Thanks so much to all of my reviewers! You left me so many awesome comments and it keeps me going with this story! ^^

I don't own TWD, nor do I make profit out of it.

Without further ado, have fun reading! I'll see you at the end!

* * *

**My Angel, my Savior**

**Chapter 3 : I ain't anybody's bitch**

When I returned from my run with Michonne and Carl, I knew that once Daryl would lay his eyes on me, hell would rise and double over. I tried to prepare myself mentally for it.

I met Morgan on the run and that meeting resulted in me almost being stabbed through the heart.

Daryl really wasn't going to like it.

My hunch had been right. As soon as we entered the courtyard, I saw Daryl and most of the others walk towards us. I got out of the car and as soon as I did, my hunter made a beeline for me. His panicked eyes were on my wound and he hastily pried my shirt apart with shaking hands to get a look at it.

"It's just a graze," I said in weak defense, knowing I wasn't fooling him.

We both knew it had been a close call.

Daryl glared at me, though under his anger burned a boiling worry. It was clear as day.

"Just a graze my ass! Hershel!" Daryl yelled, completely panicked and not trying to hide it at all.

Everyone else's attention was soon on us and I sighed. When I saw Daryl look frantically around for Hershel, completely panicked, I grabbed his arm gently, regaining his attention.

"Daryl, there's really no need for this. I'm fine," I tried again, only to have Daryl jerk away from my grasp and make his way hastily towards the prison.

"Hershel!" He tried again, and this time, the old man emerged from the prison, helped by Maggie.

"What's going on?" He exclaimed as he slowly approached.

Daryl met him halfway and anxiously pointed at me.

"Rick's wounded. He was stabbed," Daryl said, trying to keep the panic at bay in his voice.

Now it was Hershel's turn to throw me a worried glance. He joined me, Daryl on his heels. His eyes roamed over my wound and I sighed again.

"Really, it's no big deal," I said tiredly.

This earned me a vicious glare from Daryl that made me cringe. He was truly worried about me and I felt bad for putting him in that state. It's what pushed my surrender.

"Alright, alright. Let's have a look at it, then," I abdicated, which made Daryl visibly relax.

Hershel threw us a curious look, but he soon turned around and motioned towards the prison with a tilt of his head.

"Let's go inside first so I can get my supplies," the old man said.

I nodded and followed Hershel into the prison, Daryl at my side. I didn't dare try to ease him, sensing that Daryl wouldn't be much for a conversation until my wound was taken care of.

As soon as we arrived at Hershel's cell, Daryl pushed me inside, and his hands still on my shoulders, he forced me to sit on the cot. Hershel threw him another curious look that Daryl ignored as he left the cell, but began pacing outside of it, throwing us anxious gazes from time to time.

Looking at Hershel, I could see he was finding Daryl's attitude peculiar, but he said nothing about it. Instead, the farmer began treating my wound in silence. He didn't ask me how I got wounded. It didn't surprise me; Hershel never used to pry into anybody's business.

While Hershel worked on my wound, I observed Daryl closely. He was pacing back and forth in front of the cell, and he was biting on his thumbnail. I recognized that as a sign of his nervousness a long time ago.

After some time, his pacing seemed to unnerve the farmer since he turned around to look at Daryl and said in a kind tone; "Daryl, why don't you go help the others unpack the car? I got it under control here."

Daryl stopped his pacing and frowned, obviously disliking the idea of leaving me out of his sight. His eyes shifted from Hershel to me and I saw uncertainty shining in them. To reassure him, I smiled softly at him and nodded, silently telling him to go along and that I'd see him later, that I'd be fine whether he stayed or not.

Daryl sighed in slight annoyance and departed reluctantly. As soon as he was gone, Hershel resumed patching my wound.

After a moment, his voice broke the silence; "I've never seen Daryl being so worried over anyone else before, not even Carol."

I tensed a little when I heard those words. I knew Hershel would pick up on something because of Daryl's strong reaction. He was clever and he immediately knew it was an unusual reaction for the hunter.

I just wasn't prepared for anyone to know yet.

I slowly met Hershel's caring eyes, but I didn't say anything. I think my gaze told him what he wanted to know anyway. A light of understanding shone in his eyes and he smiled just before returning his gaze on his working hands.

"It's good to see him so open to someone. He's always so lonely," he commented quietly, to make sure that no one else would hear our conversation.

I smiled fondly then, relieved to hear no judgment or resentment in Hershel's voice.

"Yeah, it is," I replied simply, and a comfortable silence fell over us.

It only took Hershel a few more minutes to patch me up. Once he was done, he gently squeezed my shoulder.

"You're good to go now. You should go to Daryl; show him that you're fine before he begins climbing up the walls," the farmer joked fondly.

It made me chuckle. I straightened my ruined shirt back up and thanked Hershel before departing in search of Daryl. I walked down the hallways leading to the courtyard, and while I did so, I hoped that while helping the others unpack the car, Daryl didn't see the crossbow Michonne had found at Morgan's place. I wanted to give it to him myself.

The answer to my question came faster than I'd thought. I wasn't even halfway to the courtyard when I heard Daryl's voice coming from somewhere ahead. I frowned when I noted the anger in his voice that kept getting louder and louder. He seemed to be arguing with someone.

I quickened my step and I soon emerged in the communal area. I stopped dead in my tracks when I took in what was happening. Merle and Daryl were arguing loudly, almost in each other's faces. From where I was, I could clearly see my hunter's face and he was pissed off like I'd never seen him before.

Daryl didn't see me yet and he kept on yelling at Merle as he pushed him harshly out of his face; "Fuck ya, Merle! It ain't none of yer business! I ain't takin' any shit like this from ya again!"

Merle snickered maniacally.

"Hey, hey, no need to get yer panties in a twist, Darlyna. I'm just askin'. So ya do have some balls left after all. Ya didn't give 'em all to yer buddy Rick," the older Dixon insinuated in a mocking tone.

I saw all colors drain from my hunter's face. He grew stiff and warily glared at his brother for a few seconds, but anger quickly came back, distorting his features.

"The hell yer talkin' about?!" Daryl yelled, ready to start a fight with his asshole of a brother.

Merle grinned in return, and his calm façade pissed Daryl off even more.

"I'm talkin' about ya actin' like Rick's little bitch," the elder Dixon replied, and this time, my heart began to beat faster in my chest.

Silence fell over us then, and my brain furiously debated on what I just heard. Did Merle know about me and Daryl or was he just saying hateful things to get under his brother's skin?

Daryl quickly regained his composure and glared at his brother.

"I ain't nobody's bitch," he spat out with an hatred so deep it gave me chills.

There was something deep there, something unnamed; memories that were linked to that concept and I didn't like the sound of it one bit.

The way Daryl looked and sounded right now made me think he was put in that position once before, and the sheer thought made a blind rage fill me.

Merle took a menacing step towards his little brother, but Daryl stayed there, not recoiling in front of Merle's larger frame advancing on him.

"It sure as hell doesn't look like it! I bet ya that if officer friendly was to tell ya to bend over for him, ya'd do it in a heartbeat!" Merle exclaimed with a voice filled with hatred and disgust.

Daryl reacted so quickly that I didn't have time to react. He threw himself at his brother in blind rage. His fist met Merle's jaw so hard it cracked loudly. The elder Dixon's head swung around under the strength of the blow.

"Shut the hell up!" Daryl yelled, completely out of his mind with anger.

Merle slowly straightened up and a dangerous glint appeared in his eyes. I knew right then that I had to stop this before it got too far, before someone got seriously injured. I bolted in the room and reached the brothers just when Daryl was about to hit Merle again. I didn't think twice before putting myself between them to separate them.

"Whoa, whoa, Daryl, calm down!" I pleaded with my hunter, but I might as well have been talking to a deaf man.

Daryl didn't even look at me. He tried to make for Merle again, but I grabbed him and kept him at bay. It didn't stop Daryl from trying, though. He twisted in my arms and I cursed as he made it terribly hard to keep a hold on him. Merle, on the other hand, was laughing maniacally while he rubbed at his sore jaw.

"Whoa, Darlyna, I didn't know ya had it in ya! Did I hit a raw nerve?" he teased, which only fueled Daryl's anger.

I turned my head around to glare at Merle and tell him to shut up, but that was a mistake. Daryl used that slight moment of inattention on my part to push me aside and jump at his brother again.

Both brothers fell to the ground and fists and curses flew within seconds. I tried to separate them, but there was no way I could do it alone. Fortunately for me, some of the others were near and heard the commotion. Soon, Glenn, Carol and Maggie were rushing to separate the two bickering brothers.

With their help, I managed to finally do it. Glenn and Maggie were keeping a fuming Merle with a bleeding nose away while Carol and I had trouble retaining Daryl, who had received a fist on his cheek that reopened the wound he got in Woodbury, making it bleed badly.

I tried to meet Daryl's burning eyes, but he wouldn't look at me. I grabbed his shoulders in a tight hold and shook him.

"Daryl!" I exclaimed strongly and his blue eyes finally snapped on me.

As soon as they did, they softened a little and I finally loosened my grip, my eyes pleading my hunter to stop trying to get at his brother.

Daryl's gaze filled with pain and he shook himself free from my grasp, only to swiftly turn on his heels and make his escape from the room.

"Daryl!" I called after him, but it was no use.

He was already gone.

"Hey, don't ya dare walk away from me, baby brother!" Merle yelled angrily, and it was enough to fuel my own anger.

I turned around to face Merle, who was still held back by Maggie and Glenn. I walked to him and violently pushed him backwards.

"Hey, what gives?!" Merle exclaimed angrily.

I glared at him.

"Would you shut up? I don't know what's keeping me from kicking you out of here right now!" I snarled angrily.

Merle smirked and I wanted so damn much to rip it off his face.

"Stop wastin' yer breath, officer friendly. I'm here to stay whether ya like it or not," he replied.

"We'll see about that," I replied coldly before turning around and exiting the room too, going in search of Daryl.

I didn't know where he went, but I had a feeling he might be somewhere in particular. I needed to get to him as soon as I could to calm him down. He was upset, more than I ever remembered seeing him apart from that time he thought Merle was dead. I couldn't leave him alone in that state, unless he wanted to be.

I swiftly departed towards cell block D, hoping I'd find Daryl there.

When I arrived in the other cell block, at first I heard nothing but silence. However, when I began walking down the hallway where the cells where situated, I heard a faint sound coming from somewhere ahead. I kept going in that direction and soon left the cells to emerge into the communal area, the same one where I found Daryl the other night.

Daryl was sitting against the far wall of the room, repeatedly planting his knife aggressively into the floor. His head was hanging low and I couldn't see his face. Worried, I hastily made my way to my hunter.

When he heard me approach, Daryl quickly jerked his head up and his troubled, pained eyes met mine.

The haunting emotions I could read in them made my heart squeeze painfully in my chest. I couldn't bear to see them any longer. I took a step towards Daryl when he suddenly got up and his back hit the wall behind him. He avoided my eyes and it worried me.

"Daryl? What happened with Merle?" I asked gently, not daring taking any steps towards him again.

The last thing I wanted to do was scare him away.

He began fidgeting, but he never answered me. It hurt me deeply, and even though I knew I shouldn't rush him, this was too serious to pass up. I couldn't let Daryl suffer alone when it was clear the conversation he just had with his brother had been about me from the start.

I crossed the distance that separated us and Daryl made a movement to get away, but I was quicker. My hands caught the sides of his face and kept him there.

I leaned my forehead against his and whispered near his lips; "Please don't shut me out, Daryl. Please."

Daryl opened his lips to speak, but his words got caught in his throat. He seemed totally beyond himself, and I did the only think I could think off to try and calm him.

My arms slowly wrapped around him, giving him the time to back away if he wanted to. However, he didn't. I brought him into the safe haven of my arms and he went willingly, pressing himself against me as closely as he possibly could.

One of my hands rose to caress his hair softly and I felt Daryl bury his face in my neck in response. I closed my eyes and leaned my cheek against his hair, trying to ignore the faint shaking of my hunter's body.

I kept him cradled in my arms for as long as he needed it. I stayed silent, knowing now was not the time to ask him again about his confrontation with Merle. Not until he would have calmed down, at least.

After what felt like a long time, Daryl slowly untangled himself from my embrace. As soon as he did, I gently grabbed his forearms and worriedly sought his gaze. Daryl met mine and flashed me one of his half-smiles.

"Sorry, man. 'M fine now," he muttered with slight embarrassment.

I smiled gently at my hunter and ran a hand soothingly in his soft hair.

"Good. Do you want to talk about what happened with Merle? It's okay if you don't," I prodded gently, giving Daryl the choice to speak or not. Pushing him into anything was always a bad idea.

Daryl's jaw clenched tightly and anger burned in his eyes.

I felt bad for asking him and was about to tell him to forget it – no matter how badly I wanted to know what had started the fight – when Daryl talked in a snapping and angry tone; "He was bein' an asshole. He wanted to know what was goin' on 'tween ya and me."

I felt my heart speed up at those words. So Merle knew something was going on. He didn't know what yet, but if we weren't cautious, he would soon.

"And what did you say?" I asked, keeping my anxiety hidden away.

Daryl shrugged dismissively and cast his angry gaze on the ground.

"Nothin'. I couldn't tell him the truth. Then he began assumin' things and I blew up," Daryl explained, filling me up on what happened before I arrived.

I felt just a little relieved that Merle wasn't aware yet of our relationship. I feared that if he came to know, maybe Daryl would back down and stop it before it even properly began. I also feared what Merle would do to Daryl if he learned of it.

I pushed those fears away for now and focused on Daryl, who I noticed seemed anxious about something else, something he did not tell me. There was pain and shame shining in his blue eyes.

"There's somethin' else bothering you though, right? I know you; you normally wouldn't pay that much attention to Merle's words," I prodded gently, and clearly saw the pain shining in those eyes deepen with my words.

Daryl began shifting from feet to feet and avoided my gaze.

"I… it's nothin', forget it," he whispered, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

Whatever he was keeping in was something serious and I felt a twinge of disappointment because he didn't want to tell me. However, I understood that some things took time to tell, and some things were to stay in the dark forever.

Some memories were too painful to tell and I had to respect that, no matter how badly I wanted to know everything about him.

So instead of insisting, I reached for Daryl's face and gently traced Daryl's reopened wound with my fingers in a soothing caress. My eyes got clouded with a mix of anger and worry.

"He hurt you pretty bad there," I whispered, my eyes glued to his split cheek.

"It's nothin' I can't handle," Daryl replied with a tired sigh.

It made me smile sadly.

"I know. I just don't like seeing you hurt," I admitted quietly, my words merely a whisper in the quiet room.

Daryl didn't answer. Instead, his eyes lowered on the bloody spot on my shirt. He lifted a hand and carefully covered my wound with it. His eyebrows creased in worry.

"How's your wound?" He asked quietly.

I smiled fondly and covered Daryl's hand with my own.

"It's fine. Hershel patched me up and sent me on my way. You can stop worrying now," I replied in a gentle tone.

Daryl nodded and his hand left my chest, leaving a cold and hollow feeling in its place.

"Good," he replied with relief.

Silence fell over us then, a silence that I was itching to break with a question I'd been dying to ask Daryl since we started going out. We had rushed into our relationship, and some things had been left unsaid.

I needed to get it off my chest, so I asked with slight hesitation after a moment; "Daryl… there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

Daryl's eyes bore in mine then, and I discerned slight apprehension in them. Daryl undoubtedly feared what I wanted to ask.

"What is it?" He asked cautiously.

I sighed nervously, and finally asked in a quiet whisper, avoiding my hunter's eyes as I did so; "Are you… ashamed of us? I just – I just can't shake the feeling that maybe I pushed you into this, that in the end you didn't really want to – "

My sentence was cut short when I was slapped behind the head. I hissed in pain and rubbed at the sore spot. My wide eyes met Daryl's angry ones. He was really pissed off, and I had trouble finding out why.

"Ye're really stupid sometimes Rick!" he said with a hint of outrage in his voice.

His outburst destabilized me. More than the outrage, there was also pain etched in his features. I didn't know how to react.

"Daryl, I – " I began, but Daryl cut me once more.

"Let me finish, would ya? Do ya really think I ain't serious about this? That I'd risk Merle discoverin' I'm letting ya fuck me if it was just a fling?" He exclaimed with a hurt voice.

He was hurt that I doubted his motives and I wanted to hit myself for it. I never should have doubted him, never. I didn't know anyone more honest than Daryl. I was such an idiot.

Daryl must have seen the guilt showing on my face, because his expression softened and the next words that left his lips were soft-spoken.

"If Merle knew about this, he'd probably gut me alive. He thinks it's wrong. I don't know if it's wrong or not, but it _feels_ right, so I don't care," Daryl admitted softly.

Those words made a huge weight leave my shoulders. I felt really stupid for doubting Daryl now, but I was relieved I asked him. Now I knew he was truly serious and that I'd been worrying for nothing.

I stepped closer to Daryl and gently embraced him. He let me do as I pleased and pressed closer to me with a barely audible sigh of contentment.

"I'm sorry for doubting you," I whispered against his ear, making him shiver. Daryl relaxed in my arms and returned my embrace, almost snuggling against me much like a cat would do.

"I can't blame ya. I know I ain't the most talkative when it comes to these things. I also ain't really used to this relationship thing, so…" Daryl admitted with a hint of embarrassment what I already doubted when we slept together the other day.

I felt incredibly honored that Daryl chose me as his first lover. If there was something I was grateful for, this was it.

A peaceful smile appeared on my lips.

"It's okay. I'm just glad you told me. I won't doubt you again, I promise. I guess I just can't believe how lucky I am that you want to be with me," I revealed in a quiet whisper.

Daryl snorted softly against my chest and I could feel his face burning up, surely from embarrassment. Just thinking that I embarrassed Daryl made me smile with happiness.

"I ain't anything special, ya know," Daryl replied with embarrassment.

I pushed him away enough to see his face and when our eyes met, I smiled fondly at him and cupped his face in my hands. Daryl didn't move from there, and didn't try to get my hands of him. He merely stared silently into my eyes.

"Oh, you are. You just don't know it," I whispered lovingly against my hunter's lips.

It was such a shame that Daryl couldn't see in himself what I saw in him. He was fierce, loyal, compassionate, devoted, handsome, he was everything I needed and craved.

He was perfection.

Daryl's magnificent blue eyes shone brightly with many emotions. He didn't let me the time to decipher them, though, as his lips met mine in a surprisingly hungry kiss. I wasn't about to complain of his initiative, though. Instead, I returned the kiss, tasting my hunter's lips like a thirsty man in need of water.

I gently captured him in my embrace and sighed in delight when Daryl's arms rose to circle my neck while he pressed himself closer to me.

Before long, I was losing myself in his scent, his taste, the feel of his hands and lips. I craved the intimacy he was offering me, and the temptation was soon too hard to resist.

I slowly backed Daryl against one of the tables. My hands found his thighs and I lifted him onto the table.

Our lips parted in time for him to gasp when I gently pried his legs apart to settle between them.

His incredible heat overwhelmed me, made me unable to think, unable to do anything but _feel_. Feel the way Daryl was shaking against me, feel the heat of those strong thighs encasing my hips tightly, feel the softness of those heavenly lips moving against mine with frantic need, feel the roughness of those calloused hands making their way under my shirt to feel the skin of my back…

I was completely intoxicated.

My hands and lips grew frantic, eager to find naked skin. My hands found and caressed the burning skin of Daryl's stomach and sides, while my lips took solace on his neck. His scent and presence overwhelmed me, and the soft sighs of pleasure he uttered drove me crazy with want.

Suddenly, Daryl gasped and jerked his head quickly around. I followed his gaze back around to the entrance of the room, but saw nothing there. I looked at Daryl and saw the frown decorating his brow.

"Daryl? What's wrong?" I asked, a little too breathless.

Daryl's eyes never left the entrance even as he answered; "I thought I heard somethin'."

I looked again, my heart beating madly against my ribcage as I feared someone had followed us. Silence fell over us and my eyes didn't catch any movement. I relaxed, thinking Daryl had surely imagined it.

"Must have been a rat or somethin'," Daryl muttered, his eyes still hesitant.

I turned his face back around and stole a kiss from his lips.

When we parted, I whispered near them; "There's no one there, Daryl. Just us."

He didn't seem convinced at first, but when I resumed lovingly kissing him, he relaxed in my embrace and let himself go. He gave himself over to me and I could never put into words how it made me feel each time he did.

Our hands resumed their burning caresses, and our bodies pressed together to enjoy whatever the other had to offer. But no matter how much we took, we gave, it wasn't enough.

The hesitancy, shyness and awkwardness Daryl had shown the first time we made love wasn't there anymore. He knew what he wanted, and he knew how to ask it of me.

I wasn't about to deny it to him.

His hands were eager in their exploring, and mine followed the movements until we could properly feel the other completely, without the barrier of clothes. I couldn't help but admire Daryl all over again as my hands and lips rediscovered his body once more, claiming him all over again.

As our caresses grew more frantic, soft whispers and moans filled the silent room. The sounds Daryl was making were the sweetest melody I ever heard. That combined with the way his body was moving alluringly against my own was driving me crazy with desire.

Daryl sensed my eagerness. He broke our current heated kiss and climbed down from the table, only to turn around and brace himself on the table. He leaned forward and looked at me over his shoulder, and his burning gaze spoke of his own eagerness.

I gave him what he wanted, what we _both _wanted, craved and needed. I moved closer until I could feel nothing other than his heated skin and gently took what was being offered to me.

When I met some resistance and a stifled whimper of pain, my hand found one of Daryl's hands clutching the table tightly.

I lovingly entwined our fingers and whispered in my hunter's ear; "Open up for me…"

A shaky intake of breath and a violent shiver was all that I earned in answer, but Daryl obeyed and soon, he relaxed, allowing me to completely claim what he was offering to me.

From then on, it was a one-way ticket into sin, passion, lust, and love.

I burned that moment in my memory, never to be forgotten. It was different from the first time, less careful, more rough, but just as sweet. Daryl was so responsive under me, meeting each of my movements with his hips and quietly asking for more, and I drowned in him all over again.

Hi breathless moans urged me on, making me pick up my speed to bring us both to completion. Daryl was like my sweet, sweet addiction. Everything about him made me sink faster and faster into oblivion.

Sensations overwhelmed me. It was almost too much to bear. The pleasure I felt was so strong that it was nearly painful. I was delirious with it. I needed more.

When Daryl sank further and further against the table, with a hand on his hip I gently brought my hunter's back against my chest once more and buried my face in his sweaty neck while I picked up a faster rhythm.

My efforts awarded me with a sharp buck of Daryl's hips and a heated, needy whisper of my name. This aroused me like never before. Daryl looked so hot and desirable right now; his lean body arched deliciously against mine, glistening under the light of the setting sun; his breathless moans and whispers of my name, a delicious music to my ears; the eager movements of his hips, proof enough of his desire and needs...

Everything about him made my self-control and my sanity slip dangerously away from me.

Daryl was going to be the death of me.

When he reached the pinnacle of his pleasure, I watched as Daryl's back arched up in bliss against me. He muffled his scream of rapture against his arm and I bit down on his neck to smother mine as I followed him into the throes of passion.

When it was all over, I collapsed exhaustingly on the harsh floor, pulling Daryl along with me. I kept his back against my chest and rubbed my nose affectionately in his hair now damp with sweat. Daryl hummed softly in response, pushing further in my arms.

We merely laid there in silence, content and satisfied. Words weren't needed then; they would only spoil our moment of peace.

My free hand began mindless circles on Daryl's hip and I heard my hunter sigh softly in response, pushing even closer to me.

I smiled against his hair and my heart got filled with fondness towards my hunter. This simple moment where we just lied there in each other's arms was so perfect and meaningful that my lips longed to say the three words I knew I now felt towards him. I longed to, but I didn't say them, because I knew their implication would possibly scare Daryl. I just hoped that he knew how I felt anyways.

I loved him with all my heart and I hoped deep down, he knew how much he meant to me.

Daryl slowly turned his face around to face me and our eyes met. His blue eyes were still raw with emotions and feelings and their intensity and the vulnerability I read in them made my heart jump in my chest.

I couldn't describe what happened in that moment, what transpired through those lovely blue eyes; it was just something I _felt_. It was warmth, love, trust, loyalty, need, and so much more. It was so overwhelming that I felt myself moved to tears.

My hand found the back of my hunter's neck and I brought him in until our lips met in a sweet, loving kiss.

Daryl gave easily into the kiss, and we slowly moved our lips together in a kiss that was much more meaningful than any heated kiss we ever shared.

I breathed in his sweet scent, drank his soft sigh of contentment. This was home. This was something I could never bear to lose.

And as we broke the kiss and I leaned my forehead against my love's, closing my eyes, I swore to myself that I'd do everything in my power to never lose Daryl.

I couldn't bear to lose him. Not anymore.

* * *

**A/N: **Here you go for chapter 3!

I hope it was to your liking! I have so much fun writing this fic :)

Please leave a comment if you like, I love reading what you have to say and do my best to answer everyone!

After the next chapter, the story will take another turn. I won't say anymore than that ;)

So take care and I hope to see you next time! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Rose


	4. Chapter 4 : My angel

**A/N: **Hi everyone! I'm back with chapter 4! Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews! I enjoy reading them all! ^^

I'll take this time to reply to **guest**, who left an anonymous review: Well, thank you so much! I'm trying to keep them in character as much as I can, so I'm glad it's working out well so far! Unfortunately, I can't promise nothing will happen to either of them. I don't want to spoil any surprises, and so far, I'm not even sure myself how this story is going to end. I'll see when I get there. I'm not a fan of non happy endings myself, but sometimes It's necessary. I just can't promise anything. Sorry ^^'

Well, I still don't own the characters nor the storyline of Walking Dead. I also don't make any money out of this fic.

The warnings given in the beginning of the story applies to this chapter and forward. You've been warned!

On that note, have fun reading and I'll see you at the end!

* * *

**My Angel, my Savior**

**Chapter 4 : My angel**

The rest of the evening was uneventful. Daryl was on guard duty a good part of the night, so I spent it alone with my daughter. I had trouble getting to sleep since I was missing Daryl's warm body sleeping next to me. I already got used to his presence and it felt weird not to have him beside me. But I managed to fall asleep eventually at the memory of my hunter's expression when I showed him his new crossbow earlier.

He had looked like a kid receiving his first Christmas gift. His eyes had shined so beautifully with happiness and excitement. It was such a wonderful sight to see that such a simple gesture could make him so happy.

Daryl had looked around and when he'd seen no one around us, he had leaned in to give me a quick kiss and whispered an embarrassed thank you against my lips.

I hadn't needed anything more in return.

Morning came, and after my usual round to check if all the locks were securely in place, I joined the others for breakfast in the communal area. I greeted everyone and once I grabbed some food Beth had prepared, I took a seat beside Daryl and began to eat in silence.

Nothing could have prepared me for what was coming.

I didn't hear Merle sneak up behind me, but I felt his presence and turned around at the last second. I sure as hell felt it when he clocked me one right in the fucking face.

The strength of the blow made me fall from my chair and I collapsed on the ground. Furious exclamations of surprise and anger erupted in the room in a confused mess, but Daryl's voice overlapped all the others.

I looked up in time to see a furious Daryl violently push a fuming Merle back. I never saw Merle so angry before; his eyes were screaming bloody murder at me. Dread sank in my stomach. I had a pretty good idea about what could have put Merle in that state.

"Merle, what the hell?!" Daryl exclaimed, putting himself between me and his brother, giving me the time to stand back up on my feet.

I ignored the worried calls of my name coming from the rest of the group and focused my attention on the Dixon brothers.

Merle tried to make for me again, but wasn't able to get past Daryl. For now. There was no doubt in my mind that it wouldn't be the case forever.

"Touch my brother again, and I'll kill ya, pig!" Merle roared, and I knew right then that my fears were founded.

Merle knew about us. I didn't know how, but he knew.

Daryl growled menacingly and violently pushed Merle backwards. He glared at his older brother.

"Merle, stop it!" he ordered, his voice holding a threatening edge.

Merle didn't listen to him. He tried to make for me again, only to be stopped once again by Daryl. This time, Merle's expression morphed into annoyance and he pushed Daryl violently out of the way, glaring coldly at him.

"Hands off me! Ya should be ashamed of yerself!" Merle yelled viciously, disgust dripping from his voice.

Daryl threw his brother a confused, hurt look.

"Wha - " He began, but he didn't have time to continue since Merle was all over him, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"Don't play innocent! I saw ya suckin' face with the cop! I didn't know I raised ya to be a faggot!" Merle exclaimed and Daryl's face became white as a ghost.

Oh shit.

The words that just fell out of Merle's lips completely paralyzed me. I was so shocked that I didn't realize right away that everyone else in our group was there to hear everything that was said either. Nothing other than Merle's words registered in my brain right now.

He'd seen us last night. There was no doubt about it. The sound Daryl thought he had heard at one point while we were indulged in one another, it must have been Merle. Therefore there was no point in trying to deny his words.

I just hoped that Merle had only seen us kiss, that he had left before things got too heated between us. It would be a lot more devastating for Daryl otherwise.

Speaking of Daryl, my eyes slowly turned to him in time to see him recover from his shock and anger took over his features, overcoming his panic and embarrassment.

"Raised me? Ya were never there for me! Don't be startin' on that again! And what's 'tween me and Rick ain't none of yer business!" Daryl exclaimed, completely furious.

I was fairly surprised that he wasn't denying Merle's words, but more than the surprise, I was proud of him for standing up to Merle, standing up for us. We couldn't hide our relationship anymore, he was surely as aware of it as I was. It was out in the open now, for better or for worse.

A disgusted sneer stretched the older Dixon's lips.

"Our old man'd be turnin' 'round in his grave if he knew ya were lettin' some pig fuck ya like a goddamn whore in heat!" Merle roared in absolute disgust, taking a menacing step towards his brother.

Daryl and I both turned livid at the same time. So Merle had seen more than I thought he did. Shit. This wasn't good.

A deathly silence fell over the entire room. No one was talking, no one was moving, but I felt every pair of eyes were glued on us three, and it made me feel highly uncomfortable. I didn't want anyone to find out about us like this. This wasn't right.

Merle advanced on Daryl, who took a shaky step back in counterpart. Daryl was shaking all over now, and judging by his expression, it wasn't out of anger, but out of fear.

He feared Merle, or rather he feared something he could possibly reveal.

Daryl seemed too in shock to speak back at his brother, so Merle took the opportunity to continue relentlessly.

"All this time, I thought you hated bein' dad's little bitch! Seems I was wrong! Here I'm gone one fuckin' year, and when I come back I find ya takin' it up the ass by some goddamn cop, the same one responsible for me losin' my fuckin' hand!" Merle's voice exploded across the room and my heart stopped in my chest.

The implication of Merle's words resounded in my head over and over again and horror filled me when I grasped their meaning. One look at Daryl confirmed my suspicions.

Daryl was shaking badly now, and in his widened eyes I could clearly read unending pain and sorrow. And along with it, my heart was brutally ripped out of my chest.

And insane anger rose in me, both at Merle for revealing this in front of everyone, something I'm sure Daryl would have liked to drag along with him to the grave, and at their father for what he did to Daryl. I wished the bastard was still alive so I could make him suffer like he deserved.

I hoped that he at least went slow when he died.

When Daryl finally snapped out of it, all the fight and anger seemed to have been drained from him.

Only desperation, sorrow, pain and anguish were left in their trail as he pushed his brother away and yelled at him; "Shut up, Merle! Ya know nothin' 'bout me, 'bout what I went through! Ya have no right to judge me!"

Merle growled menacingly and anger burned in his eyes as he grabbed his brother's collar and harshly brought him closer until their faces were inches apart.

"Then explain it to me, 'cause what I'm seein' right now is my brother playin' the cockslut 'round!" he yelled back, and if possible, Daryl began shaking even more.

This had gone on long enough. It was time to stop this.

I quickly joined the two brothers and violently dislodged Merle from Daryl and pushed the older brother backwards, putting myself between them.

"That's enough, Merle!" I yelled, anger dripping from my words.

Merle glared coldly at me, and there was such reproach and anger in that blue gaze that it chilled me to the bone. But I held on, I held that gaze steadily with my own, showing the older Dixon that I wouldn't back down, that I'd fight for Daryl and stand up for him no matter what.

It didn't please him.

"Ya stay out of this! It's none of yer business! And don't ever touch my brother again, ya hear me?" he seethed menacingly.

I took a step forward, and glared darkly at Merle from up close.

"I'll do as I well please. This doesn't concern you and I have no reason to listen to you," I replied firmly, my tone honest and cold.

My answer displeased Merle. His anger deepened and I was preparing myself for his angry outburst when Merle's eyes suddenly shifted behind me. I turned around in time to see Daryl hastily retreat from the room like the devil was on his heels.

"Daryl!" I exclaimed worriedly after him, but Daryl didn't stop.

My heart sank painfully in my stomach at the sight of my retreating hunter.

"Hey, I'm not finished with ya, Darlyna!" Merle exclaimed and made a movement to follow his brother, but I was quick to push him backwards.

"Oh, you're finished. You made enough damage as it is. I won't let you get anywhere near him," I declared coldly.

Unending rage filled Merle's gaze and if it wasn't for the fact that he was at a clear disadvantage with everyone gathered in the room ready to jump in if need be, I'm sure Merle would have started a fight with me. Instead, seeing how outnumbered he was, he huffed angrily, turned around on his heels and left the communal area with angry steps.

When the sound of his retreating steps had faded, silence filled the room once more and I felt the weight of everyone's gaze on me, filling me with nervousness and resignation. I wanted nothing more but to go after Daryl, to try and mend his wounded heart, but I knew the rest of the group needed explanations on what just happened and I couldn't avoid it.

So I stared at everyone's faces and took in their reactions.

Maggie and Glenn were in utter shock, mouths hanging open and eyes wide.

Hershel, having already guessed about us, was merely silent, but his face was bearing a concerned expression.

Michonne was standing in one corner, her arms folded over her chest with a closed expression that showed she could care less about any of what just transpired.

Beth was sitting at the table and trying to calm Judith who was crying, distressed by the previous argument. She threw me an incredulous look while shushing my daughter.

The look on Carol's face was one of pure hurt and disappointment. I could literally read the heartbreak on her face and it killed me inside.

And then there was Carl. Confusion and betrayal were both visible on his young features as he stared unblinkingly at me.

I saw it all in the blink of a couple of seconds, and it took me the same amount of time to understand that hell was sure to follow soon.

Carl was the one to break the tense silence.

"What's going on, dad? What's that about you and Daryl being together?" he asked, his voice holding an edge of confusion.

Carol cut me off before I had the time to answer anything. Her question resonated through the silent room and I cringed when I noted the way her voice was trembling and how close to tears she seemed.

"Is it true?"

Her question hung heavy in the air and her eyes drilled a hole down to my soul. I knew that my answer would shatter what was left of her heart, but I couldn't lie. I couldn't do that, for everyone's sake.

So I closed my eyes and answered in a short exhale; "Yeah, it's true. Daryl's my lover."

The silence that followed my words was only broken by soft gasps of surprise. I exhaled in relief for having said the truth, for not having to hide what we were to the others anymore. I knew that as soon as I'd open my eyes, there'd be consequences to it, but I could deal with it.

I _would_ deal with it.

I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was the sheer agony written on Carol's face. Then I saw the stricken expressions of the others, followed by the anger and betrayal on my son's face.

Carol tried to smother a sob, but failed miserably. She turned around and hastily fled the room.

I would have called after her, but Carl suddenly talked and his cold, accusing voice tore at my heart; "How could you do this to mom?!"

"Carl..." I began in a saddened tone and tried to make one step towards my son, but he shook his head and quickly ran out of the room.

"Carl!" I called out to him, but he ignored me and left the room without even a look behind him.

Seeing him so upset was killing me inside. I knew he wouldn't take the news well, but it couldn't be avoided now. He would have to come around, but for that, I needed to have a talk with him, to make him understand exactly what I felt towards Daryl.

Glenn's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Wow. I didn't see that one coming," he commented quietly.

My eyes focused on him and I was surprised to see no disgust on his face, but merely genuine surprise. Maggie smiled weakly at me.

"Good for you two, really," she said, and she really thought her words.

I was grateful for them both. I never would have ended things with Daryl because of the others' opinions, but knowing that some of them were okay with it was a relief. We didn't need a tense and awkward atmosphere on top of everything else.

I looked at Michonne and Beth, and saw no disgust on any of their faces, merely slight disappointment on Beth's face. I had the suspicion that she would have liked to be with me, but it had never been an option in my case. She was way too young for me. It was better that way.

I looked at Hershel then and asked worriedly; "Are you gonna be okay here?"

The old man nodded and smiled gently at me in return.

"Yes, don't worry. You should go talk to Carl," he suggested.

I nodded in gratitude and swiftly departed in the direction my son took a few minutes ago. It was leading to the courtyard. I quickly stepped outside the prison and once there, I looked around, hoping to spot my son and praying that he didn't wander too far. It wasn't safe outside right now, what with the governor's latest attack. He could still be lurking around.

I found Carl near the front gates. He was mindlessly and furiously throwing rocks at the walkers snarling just outside the fence and trying to get past it. I frowned and approached my son.

He heard the sound of my steps. He turned his face around and when he recognized me, he glared at me.

"Get away from me. I have nothing to say to you," he said in a venomous tone that made me cringe.

I knew that Carl would probably take the news of me and Daryl badly, but I wasn't prepared for such anger and reproach. There was nothing I could do about it now, though, but talk to him and try to make him understand.

I stopped a few feet away from him and stared at his closed face.

"Carl, we need to talk about this," I began in a soft tone.

Carl turned back around towards the walkers and threw another rock in an angry gesture.

"No, we don't," he answered curtly, his back to me.

I sighed and walked around my son until he had no choice but to look at me.

"I think we do. This is important, and I need you to understand - " I began, but my son didn't let me the time to finish.

His accusing eyes bore into mine.

"Understand what? How you betrayed mom when she hasn't been dead for a month?! How could you do this to her?! How could you replace her so easily?!" he exclaimed, pain, anger, and incomprehension all mixed up in his voice.

Seeing my son so angry and in so much pain tore at my heart, but I understood why he reacted that way. It was a normal reaction and I couldn't blame him for it.

I was however surprised that Carl wasn't concerned about me dating another guy; he was only concerned about Lori. He never ceased to surprise me.

I squatted down to be eye level with Carl and I calmly held his raging gaze.

"Listen to me, Carl. I didn't mean for it to happen, I didn't mean to feel that way about Daryl. It just happened. It could have happened months from now, or years even, I don't know. All I know is that it was meant to happen. Daryl makes me feel happy, makes me feel sane, and I'm tired of denying what's good for me. I'm tired of it, son," I finished in a tired tone that reflected my final words.

With all the bad things that kept happening around us, I wasn't about to deny the one good thing Daryl was offering me. I just wished my son and everyone else would understand exactly what he meant to me, how important he was and that I couldn't give him up.

Carl bit his lip and continued to stare accusingly at me, but he didn't say anything. He was waiting for me to keep on talking, so I did.

"Sometimes, I feel guilty because I'm still mourning your mother. I still love her, Carl, and I'll always do. She'll always be in my heart, just like you'll always be. I just believe that there's still place in my heart for someone else. And… I also believe that Lori would want me to be happy, to find love again," I finished in a whisper, my voice getting stuck in my throat by the surge of emotions that threatened to overwhelm me.

Everything I just said was true. Part of me was still mourning my late wife, and because of it, whenever I thought of her, I felt slightly guilty for getting in a relationship with Daryl.

Part of me felt I was betraying her in a way, but the other part knew that she wouldn't want me be to be alone and unhappy for the rest of my life. Luckily, that part was stronger than the first one and I decided not to let my guilt get the better of me.

Carl lowered his head and his eyes got clouded with grief and sadness. I hated seeing that look on his face, and I felt helpless because I knew there was nothing I could do to erase that expression.

Silence fell over us then, a silence that was broken only by the moans and groans of the walkers on the other side of the fence.

It took a moment, but eventually Carl lifted his face and stared at me with a serious expression. The words he uttered then took me by surprise.

"Do you love him?"

I was frozen for a good moment then, while my mind processed the question. There was only genuine seriousness and curiosity in my son's voice, and no hint of reproach or disgust. It surprised me. I understood he _needed _to know the truth, no matter how it may made him feel afterwards.

So I decided to be honest about it.

"Yes. Yes, I do," I said without any hesitation.

Carl stared at me for a long time then, and I couldn't read anything in his eyes. Not knowing what he was thinking was making me feel nervous. I had to know.

I gently grabbed his shoulder and squeezed it.

"Carl, talk to me. Don't keep it inside," I pleaded, not wanting my son to close himself to me more than he already was.

Carl awkwardly shrugged my hand away and turned his gaze on the walkers once more. At first, he stayed silent, but he soon answered my plea.

"I... I just don't know what to think of it. It's... weird, thinking of you being with Daryl," he admitted quietly.

I nodded in understanding. I really couldn't blame Carl for thinking like this. It was a lot to take in; that his father was dating someone else so soon after his mother died, and another male at that.

"I understand. Take all the time you need to get used to it. I won't rush you, I just want you to be comfortable with this. If Daryl is to be a part of my life, he'll be a part of yours too," I said.

I really hoped that Carl would be able to accept my relationship with Daryl in the long run. Carl's opinion was really important to me, as was his happiness and his well-being. It was as important to me as my relationship with Daryl, which made me unable to tell what I would do if I was to choose between them both.

I hoped it wouldn't come to this.

Carl shook his head and sighed, avoiding my eyes.

"I'm... I don't know yet. I need time to think about it," he answered quietly.

I understood it was too much for him today and that I shouldn't push the conversation further. I squeezed his shoulder again and waited until he met my gaze.

"Okay. We good now?" I asked, wanting to be sure there wouldn't be any awkward tension between us.

Carl nodded.

"Yeah," he answered simply.

I smiled weakly at my son and stood up.

"Come on, let's go inside. It's not safe here," I said and to my surprise, Carl didn't protest.

He nodded and began to walk towards the prison. Relieved, I followed him inside in a comfortable silence.

* * *

After my talk with my son, I set out to find Daryl. The way he had looked just before retreating from the room earlier this morning had worried me deeply. I had never seen such a haunted, pained expression on his face and I wanted to make sure he was okay.

However, I soon realized he didn't want to be found.

I searched every cleaned area of the prison and in the end, I couldn't find him.

And with every passing hour, my panic and uneasiness kept growing. I avoided the others, because I wasn't in the mood to answer questions about Daryl and me, which was likely to happen.

Though when evening came, and there was still no sign of Daryl anywhere, I grew too restless and I needed to do something to keep my panic and worry at bay. I decided to take care of something I wanted to do since this morning, but that I put off because I feared it could get ugly. But it needed to be done.

I went to see Merle. I needed to talk to him about what happened this morning.

I found him in his cell. When I entered without waiting for his permission, I found him sitting on his cot, busy sharpening the blade attached to his stump.

As soon as I stepped foot in his cell, Merle's piercing blue eyes settled on my face and he snarled angrily at me.

"Get the hell out of here," he spat menacingly, but I didn't budge from my place.

I held his menacing glare without flinching.

"No. You and I need to talk," I said coldly.

Merle aggressively threw the sharpening rock in a corner of the cell and he stood up to be eye level with me. He towered threateningly over me, but I still didn't move from my spot.

"Ya came here to taunt me, ya mean. To throw in my face how ye're screwing my brother's brains out," he hissed angrily.

I scoffed disbelievingly at that.

"So that's what you think this is? Me making a claim to spite you? Don't get full of yourself. I couldn't care less about you. This is insulting, both for me and for your brother," I replied coldly.

The anger flashing in Merle's eyes grew. I didn't let him the time to say anything, though. I took a step forward and glared at the redneck from up close.

"Let me make things clear for you. Here's where we stand. I'm going out with your brother. I care about him and he cares about me too, and I have no intention of breaking things up with him. So you either accept it and move on or you leave this prison," I said in a strong, steady tone.

Pure fury burned in Merle's eyes and before I could react, he grabbed my collar and yanked me forward.

"Bullshit! My brother ain't no faggot! Ya forced yerself on him! Ye're using him and he ain't got the backbone to refuse ya!" he roared angrily, and I could clearly discern the worry and fear underlying the anger.

And because of it, I understood what happened this morning, the real cause of Merle's fury.

Merle was scared that I'd wound Daryl like their father had done in the past. He feared I would use him and discard him like a used, broken toy. He hid those fears under a hateful, homophobic facade.

That's where he was mistaken.

I brutally tore his hand away from my collar and pushed him back. Before he could do anything, I pointed a threatening finger at his face.

"Listen closely, because I won't say it twice. I'm serious about Daryl. He's not just a fling, or an easy fuck. I love him, and I'd die before hurting him intentionally. And right now, he wants to be with me. If you care about him half as much as I do, then you'll get over your stupid homophobia and accept his choice. If you truly love your brother, you'll stop hurting him and start acting like his brother for once," I slowly said in a low, confident tone, showing Merle that I meant every word I just said.

Merle brutally pushed my hand away and growled like a dangerous animal.

"Don't fuckin' tell me what to do! Ya know shit 'bout me, so mind yer damn business!" he yelled at my face, anger dripping from his voice.

I smirked cockily then, which only pissed Merle off even more. He didn't impress me, though. There were some things I needed to tell him and I wasn't leaving until I did.

I took another step forward until I was right up in his face and I cocked my head to the side, staring right into his eyes.

"I know enough. Now let's be clear on one thing. If you hurt Daryl once again like you did this morning, I'll make you regret it. And with the shit you've just pulled on him, I'm pretty sure Daryl won't stop me," I said in a quiet tone full of anger and confidence.

Merle's jaw tensed with anger and he began shaking. I was sure he was about to hit me, so I was fairly surprised when he didn't do it in the end. I didn't know what held up his fist, and I didn't care.

I had said what I wanted to say.

So I threw him one last glare before turning around on my heels and exiting his cell, leaving Merle to his own fuming thoughts.

* * *

Night had settled and there was still no trace of Daryl anywhere. I was going crazy with worry by now. I feared the worst, and no matter how much the others tried to calm my worries, I couldn't stop being concerned, not for the life of me. Because I searched the entire prison at least three times during the day, and I never found him. Which told me one thing with certainty.

Daryl had left the prison.

He was out there doing God knew what, exposed to all sorts of dangers like the walkers and the governor. How could anyone ask me not to worry when anything could happen to him? When he could die out there all alone, just like Lori did? The mere thought of it happening again was driving me crazy.

I couldn't find sleep that night in that state, so I climbed to the footbridge to keep a lookout with Glenn, hoping that I'd see Daryl come back at one point. Glenn didn't even try to keep my mind occupied. He already knew that nothing he'd attempt, that no conversation could deflect my somber thoughts.

With each passing minute, my anxiety was growing stronger and stronger. Until finally, finally, we saw a dark figure emerge from the forest and slowly walk through the field towards the prison's front gate.

Even through the darkness, I recognized Daryl. I knew his swaying walk by heart for having watched him one too many times.

Never before did I hurtle down the stairs of the footbridge that fast. I reached the courtyard in a matter of seconds, and then I was running towards the locked gate. I was barely aware of Glenn shouting at me to slow down and of the sound of his steps following me.

Only one thing mattered to me; get to Daryl and see with my own eyes that he was okay. I feared the worst and I prayed for his safety.

I stopped in front of the gate and hastily fumbled with the keys. I managed to unlock it at the second try. Just when Glenn finally joined me, I yanked the gate open and ignored the few walkers strolling around. I ran towards Daryl, feeling my heart beat madly with nervousness in my chest.

Please be okay, please be okay... That was the only thought echoing in my head right now.

I was out of breath when I finally joined my hunter. I wanted to grab onto him, to bring him in my embrace, in order to feel with my entire being that he was okay, but I knew better than that. I knew that he was bound to react badly if I did that.

"Daryl! Are you okay? Are you hurt?" I asked him, my eyes roaming over him.

Daryl didn't answer right away, but as I quickly looked him over I felt relieved when I saw no obvious injuries on him. But that was until my eyes fell on his hands.

The knuckles on both his hands were busted up. There were bleeding badly. I tried to take one of those hands in mine, but Daryl hastily folded it close to his chest and took a step away from me. He looked skittish as hell and it worried me. I searched for his gaze and found it after a few seconds.

There was guilt and pain shining in his eyes, and it hurt me to see that. I had a ton of questions for him, but I knew now was not the time. It was dangerous out here; I had to get Daryl inside where it was safe and take a look at his hands first.

Daryl never answered my earlier question. He was more distressed than ever before. Not wanting to upset him more, I slowly reached for his arm. He stiffened, but he didn't jerk away from me so I took it as a good sign. I gently took hold of his arm and pulled him with me towards the prison.

"Come with me. I'll take a look at your hands," I said quietly, worry lacing my words.

Daryl nodded weakly in answer and relaxed a little under my touch. I carefully guided him to the gate, where an anxious and worried Glenn was waiting.

When we approached, Glenn opened his mouth to likely ask Daryl where he had gone to or if he was okay, but a warning glance from me made him shut it back right away and he silently helped us inside before closing the gate and locking it behind us.

I knew that Daryl was perfectly able to walk alone, but I didn't let go of his arm. I feared that if I let go, he'd disappear. It was a stupid thought since it was impossible, but I was terrified of it happening.

We walked down the hallways in silence and reached my cell. Once there, I made Daryl sit on the cot while I fetched my first aid kit from my bag. Once I had it, I slowly knelt in front of Daryl and delicately took his hands in mine to take a closer look at his injuries.

While I did so, I noticed for the first time that Daryl was shaking. From what, I couldn't tell. It might have been from the cold - it was beginning to get cold out there at night, and he did left with only his shirt and angel vest - or from anger or distress. Maybe a mix of it all.

My gaze left his injured hands to settle on Daryl's face and I didn't miss the mix of emotions displayed there that he clearly wanted to hide. It was heartbreaking to see the extent of his distress. I mentally cursed Merle for putting his own brother through that.

I did as if I didn't see his turmoil, even if it pained me to do so, and began to gently clean the blood from his knuckles with a clean cloth. I wanted nothing less but to bring him in my embrace and to shush his pain, but with the way Daryl reacted earlier, I knew it was the worst thing to do.

I needed to let him pull the moves, decide what I was allowed to do and what I wasn't. Because otherwise, I might scare him away and it was the last thing I wanted.

So I got over myself and began to gently apply disinfectant on his busted knuckles. I didn't miss the hiss of pain he uttered and my thumbs softly caressed the skin of his cold hands to try and soothe him.

"You busted them pretty badly there," I commented quietly, hoping to make Daryl open up to me and tell me something, _anything_, instead of keeping it all inside.

He shrugged uncomfortably.

"I needed to get it outta my system," he said quietly, his tone showing how still upset he was.

I nodded, and did not inquire more. I understood he'd done it in anger, and sometimes feeling pain was better than to keep all this pent-up rage inside.

I finished disinfecting his wounds and began to carefully wrap them in bandages. The silence was tense, and it wasn't until I almost finished bandaging his knuckles that Daryl finally broke it.

"Ye're not going to ask any questions?" he asked me quietly, uneasily.

I stopped what I was doing and lifted my gaze until I could stare in his blue eyes. I saw fear in them. He feared I'd inquire about what Merle had said, about their father… He feared what could result of it.

It was clear he wasn't ready to tell me what happened, even if what Merle had said left little to the imagination. Still, it wasn't my place to inquire.

I smiled sadly at my hunter.

"It's not my place to ask, is it? You don't need to tell me anything if you're not ready. I can wait. And if you're never ready, then it's fine too," I told him in a gentle tone.

It was like all tension left Daryl's body at once. I realized then that he had been terrified of my reaction, terrified of having to tell me about his past and what Merle had revealed.

Daryl didn't say anything, but I could read in his eyes how grateful he was to me and I didn't push the matter further. I resumed bandaging his hands.

"What did the others say 'bout us?" Daryl suddenly inquired with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

I quickly lifted my gaze on his face and saw anxiousness in his eyes. No matter what he liked to project, it was clear Daryl cared about the other's opinions.

"Most of them are okay with it. Carl and Carol didn't take it so well, though," I answered with honesty.

"Oh," Daryl replied simply, and guilt shone in his blue eyes.

He was close to Carol, and knowing he had unintentionally hurt her was surely eating away at him. I wished I didn't have to tell him that, but he would have found out about it sooner or later. It was only a matter of time.

But we had chosen to be together, and now we had to live with the consequences.

I finished bandaging his knuckles and finally released my hunter's hands. I smiled softly at him.

"There. All done. It's late now, we should probably hit the bed. Do you want to sleep here with me?" I suggested gently, not wanting to rush him.

Daryl had a tiring and emotional day, and the last thing I wanted to do was upset him more.

Daryl watched me for a moment, and then he slowly nodded. I was relieved to see he wasn't going to push me away.

I got to my feet and got rid of my shirt and boots before settling under the covers of the cot. I patted the empty place in front of me and lifted the covers.

"Come on," I softly probed while stifling a yawn.

Daryl got rid of his boots and vest, and then his shirt with slight hesitation. I could tell he was still feeling ashamed of revealing his scars to me even though I saw them several times by now.

Once it was done, Daryl slipped under the covers and into my waiting arms. I brought him closer until his scarred, warm back was flush against my chest and I buried my nose in his neck, inhaling his sweet smell.

Daryl sighed in return and relaxed in my embrace. We stayed like that for some time, and while we did, my thoughts raced in my head, recalling the events of the day. A particular thought stuck and I tightened my embrace around my hunter.

"I was worried about you, disappearing like that all of a sudden. When I couldn't find you anywhere, I was scared shitless that something happened to you," I whispered fearfully against the skin of his neck.

Daryl's hand found one of my arms wrapped around his waist and covered my hand, squeezing it softly in silent apology.

"Sorry. I didn't think. I just… I needed to be alone for a while, to get away from here," my hunter whispered back clumsily.

I sighed and my free hand rose to gently brush a rebellious strand of hair away from Daryl's face.

"I get it. I'm just glad you're alright. I can't bear the thought of losing you. I've lost too many people I cared about already..." I admitted with sadness, my voice shaking slightly at the prospect of losing Daryl too.

I didn't remember being so afraid to lose a loved one before.

Daryl's grip on my hand tightened in response. I knew that my confession had probably shaken him, but I also knew it would probably be all that I would get from him in return. It didn't matter. I knew he felt like me, and it was enough for me. He cared about me too and showed it to me in his own way from time to time.

Daryl never answered. He settled more comfortably against me and his fingers began caressing mindless patterns on my hand.

Silence stretched on for a while and I was beginning to doze off when Daryl's voice rose in a quiet, shaky whisper; "I was ten years old when it first happened…"

I grew awake in a second and my body became rigid as I realized what he was talking about. I couldn't believe he wanted to tell me that, and part of me instantly thought he was forcing himself.

"Daryl, you don't have to - " I began hastily, but Daryl was quick to cut me off.

"I want to. I _need_ to," he replied in a soft, but confident tone.

It took me a few seconds to realize he was serious, that Daryl wanted to share his darkest, most painful memories with me. I understood the implication of it and it moved me beyond words. All I could do in return was to listen to him and to not interrupt him, no matter how hard it would be to hear.

My hand that had been playing with Daryl's hair slowly traveled down to softly caress the skin of a nude, scarred shoulder.

"Okay," I answered in a quiet whisper.

Daryl took a deep breath before shakily beginning to recall what I had no doubt were his most painful memories.

"My mom died in a fire when I was younger, which left only me, Merle and our dad. Our old man was a violent drunk. He always used to beat on Merle 'cause he was the oldest. But Merle grew tired of it and left as soon as he could. He left for good when I was nine. From then on, I was dad's next victim," Daryl began in a pained whisper.

And I could just imagine it; I could just picture Daryl's father beating the shit out of his youngest son, I could picture it all with a deadly accuracy because of the countless scars littering my hunter's body. A deep rage filled me, both towards Daryl's dad and Merle, the former for inflicting such pain on his own son and the latter for abandoning Daryl to his fate.

However, I ignored my raging feelings for now in favor of listening to Daryl continue his story.

"At first, it was all he did. Beat me up whenever he thought I deserved it. I was too weak to defend myself. I was scared of 'im. So scared," Daryl admitted in barely a whisper, and I stayed silent while he gathered the strength to continue on.

"I remember that night. It was my tenth birthday. I was happy that day 'cause I got to play with the other kids in the neighborhood and my old man didn't show himself the whole day. With my brother gone, it was as much as a happy birthday I'd get," Daryl breathed out and when he stopped, his hand stopped his movements to claw nervously in the back of my hand.

I instantly knew I wouldn't like what I was about to hear. But now that Daryl was halfway there, it needed to be said. He needed to get it off his chest.

"What happened?" I inquired softly, all the while still soothingly caressing the scarred skin of his shoulder.

Daryl's breathing became quicker and harsher, and I could feel panic and fear leave him in waves. It was overwhelming. I hated seeing him like that. My arm around his waist tightened its hold in a comforting gesture.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to," I said quietly against his ear, trying to calm him down.

Daryl shook his head and took a deep breath, and then his voice rose again in a pained whisper; "My old man stumbled in my room completely drunk outta his mind. I immediately felt this time would be different, and I tried to flee, but I was too weak. He pinned me down on my bed, beat me into submission and had his way with me."

"God…" I breathed out with horror and closed my eyes tightly in repulsion.

Part of me had prayed that what Merle had said were nothing but lies, but deep down I knew I was only fooling myself.

All the signs had been there, leading to this one truth; the way Daryl despised being touched most of the time, his violent reactions whenever his dad was mentioned, the way he had been so awkward the first time we made love but still seemed to know what he was doing, everything Merle had said...

Daryl had been raped by his own father, his own blood.

Disgust and rage towards Daryl's father filled me and threatened to take over me. I wished I'd have him here in front of me to make him pay for every single time he put his hands on his son. If I could get my hands on him, that son of a bitch would pray he was never born.

I was so overwhelmed by my murderous thoughts that I almost missed Daryl's next words. They were rushed, as if he was eager to finish his story now that it was out in the open.

"It happened almost every night after that for four years. I tried several times to run away, but he always found me. I couldn't escape. It only stopped when Merle finally came back for me," Daryl breathed out in a shaky whisper.

I forced myself to calm down and stayed silent, merely holding my hunter close to me and waiting for him to continue. He soon did, and his voice was a little stronger.

"The night Merle came back, he found me curled in my bed terrified. My old man had just left my room but an hour ago and I hadn't moved since then. I was so shocked to see Merle, but I think he was even more shocked to find me in that state. He forced the truth outta me 'bout what our dad was doin' to me. I don't remember seein' Merle so pissed off ever," Daryl commented softly.

I hummed quietly in response, now beginning to understand why Daryl loved Merle so much despite everything he was.

"Merle came down the stairs after that and confronted our old man. They fought before, but it never got this ugly. Merle sent him to the hospital. The next mornin', he was takin' me away from our home and we hit the road together. Merle had made a bunch of money while he was gone and it had been his intention from the start to come back to get me once he had enough. That night was the last time I saw my old man," Daryl finished, and his voice died at the end.

I understood that Daryl couldn't tell me more even if he wanted to, and that was fine.

He had said enough. It explained so many things about him.

It told me that if Daryl left with Merle when I gave him that ultimatum, it wasn't because he didn't care about us. It was just that Merle meant so much to him, more than any of us could understand. He saved him from his fate, from his abusive father.

It told me that Merle cared even more for Daryl than I thought he did.

It told me that when Daryl was hesitant to get close to me sometimes, it wasn't because of me but because those memories of being forcefully touched came back to haunt him.

It told me that he trusted me insanely if he let me in after what was done to him.

I was speechless by what I just heard. I wanted to find the words to say, but I didn't know what I could possibly say that would be strong and meaningful enough for what he went through.

But it didn't matter, because Daryl wasn't expecting me to say anything.

_You've fallen right out of the sky_

_I could swear you're a natural high_

His haunted blue eyes turned on me and we stared at each other for a moment.

_Volcanoes erupting inside_

_When I see the sparkle in your eyes_

"Ya were the first and only one I had sex with willingly," he revealed in a broken, vulnerable tone.

_We dust off the pain and the dirt_

_and discover the diamond inside_

His revelation moved me more than anything else ever did. I already suspected as much, but to hear it was something else.

An immense protectiveness and love settled in my chest. My hand softly cupped Daryl's cheek and I brought him closer until our lips were an inch apart and I could see nothing else but his hypnotizing eyes.

_But you don't even realize_

_'Cause you've been hurt so many times_

Vulnerability shone in them, along with fear, and I understood Daryl was afraid that revealing to me his past abuse would disgust me, would drive me away from him.

_They played with your heart, told you lies_

_They were wrong all along you were right_

How wrong was he. If anything, it made me love him more, for he was even stronger and braver than I already knew he was.

I longed to tell him just that, but I knew it was too soon for that and I settled on other words that meant just as much.

I whispered them against his lips; "I won't ever leave you, Daryl, and I won't let anyone else hurt you ever again if I can help it..."

_But if you could see my love _

_Through a bird's eye view_

With those words, he knew that I wasn't disgusted by his past. I could see it in his eyes, and I could feel it by the sudden desperate press of his lips against mine.

_I'm not saying I'm the perfect man_

_But I swear I will give it a try_

I embraced him tightly, showing him with my actions that I meant my words. I wasn't going anywhere. I wanted to be with him until my last breath.

And even though I felt the silent tear rolling down Daryl's cheek and wetting mine, I said nothing about it.

I merely kissed him deeper, trying to drown his sorrow in my ever growing affection towards him.

_Take a leap, leap of faith_

_Reach for the stars in the night_

In that moment, I made a silent promise to myself that I'd protect him from harm, from anything that would make him cry again.

He was my angel, pure, sacred and untainted, despite what he may think of himself.

_I'm no pilot, I've got no wings_

_But I know that we will survive_

I would protect his light and make sure it would never shimmer and die.

* * *

**A/N:** And this chapter ends the first arc of this fic. Now it's going to take a different turn starting with next chapter :)

Kudos to anyone who guessed the sound Daryl heard in last chapter was Merle ;)

Now that their relationship is out in the open, will things go downhill or uphill from now on? You'll have to find out in the next chapter, so stay tuned! ;)

The lyrics in italic are part of the song "Fly to stay alive" from MaNga.

So thanks for reading me and reviewing, I really appreciate it!

Take care everyone!

Rose


	5. Chapter 5 : I ain't leavin' again

**A/N: **Hi everyone!

Sorry for the long delay, I was really busy the last couple of weeks

But now I'm back with chapter 5! This one is quite different than before, you'll quickly see why ;)

I still don't make money out of that fic ;)

Without further ado, have fun reading! I'll see you at the end!

* * *

**My Angel, my Savior**

**Chapter 5 : I ain't leavin' again**

I didn't get a wink of sleep that night. Triggered by Merle, too many thoughts were swirlin' in my head, too many memories were hauntin' me, preventing me to get a much needed rest.

But when I finally gave up on the idea of sleeping, I spent the rest of the night watchin' Rick's face intently. He was sleeping soundly, his arms loosely wrapped aroun' my waist. I was lying on my side facing him, and I couldn't tear my eyes away from his face for the whole night.

And while I did, my thoughts raced in my mind, takin' a different turn, one that concerned Rick.

I couldn't believe I told him 'bout my past.

Nobody knew 'bout it except for Merle. And he knew not 'cause I told him, but 'cause he saw it with his own two eyes.

I didn't know what happened, what pushed me to confide in Rick, more so when a few minutes before I wasn't ready to tell him. I had been terrified of what he'd think of me if he knew, even though he pretty much guessed it with what Merle spit out earlier.

He wasn't stupid.

Maybe it was the way he held me gently as if I was but a delicate and precious doll; maybe it was his soft-spoken words that hurt me and pleased me so much at the same time.

Never before did I have anyone tellin' me they needed me, wanted me, cared for me so deeply. Whenever Rick told me those things, my heart burned in pleasured agony.

All my life, I felt unworthy of such affection and devotion. It was hard for me to understand what Rick saw in me, and it was also hard for me to think I deserved his affection.

It had only been my growing feelings for him that prevented me from boltin' away that night we first made love.

I felt those feelings of fondness and affection for Rick since the first moment he showed he cared for me, that time when I was shot by Andrea on the farm. I hadn't seen that worried, carin' side of him directed at me before and it troubled me deeply, stirrin' those emotions from me.

And I felt guilty as hell, since Rick was with his family and here I was, pinnin' over him like a freakin' schoolgirl.

I was also terrified, 'cause I knew that I was so far gone that I'd do anythin' he asked of me. I'd let him hurt me, just like my old man had hurt me in the past. I didn't want to be this weak, I didn't want to let anyone use me like that again. I told myself that never again would I let someone touch me intimately again, and here I was wantin' to be with Rick. There truly was a sickness growing in my heart.

I tried to fight it off, to fight those feelings, but they kept growin'. And how could they not, when Rick spent more and more time in my company the more time passed? His relationship with Lori was fallin' apart and with Shane's death, he took me as his second in command. He was accompanyin' me more often on my hunts and takin' me with him whenever he had to split apart from the group to look for supplies or secure an area.

I felt happy to spend more time in his company, but at the same time it was killin' me inside for I knew I could never be with him, no matter how hard I wished for it. And it was wrong for me to have such a wish.

I kept tryin' to tell myself that I had no chance with him at all and that it was best that way, that I was nothin' but a dirty redneck to him, but it was no use. My heart wouldn't stop longing for him. I wouldn't stop watchin' him whenever I could, I wouldn't stop the burst of joy in my chest when I was in his relaxin' company.

But then Lori died, and I felt sick towards myself for the slight thought that crossed my mind that I might just have a chance now.

I thought then that I truly was a sick, disgustin' piece of trash.

From then on, I tried to push my feelings deep down inside and lock them there forever. It worked for a while, and I deluded myself in thinkin' I could get past this and move on.

I was so mistaken.

My disillusions all came crashing down when I came back to the group after my fallout with Merle. I was upset at Merle after our talk in the forest about our old man and him seein' my scars. I needed some time alone to vent my frustrations, but of course it had been too much to ask.

Rick found me.

And seein' once again how much he cared for me when he knew I was hurt and was hidin' it, my feelings resurfaced abruptly. But what shocked me was to see them bein' returned when we found ourselves in that compromising position. I was shocked that Rick could want me that way, that he could want someone as scarred, broken and dirty as me.

I didn't push him away. Part of me wanted to, that part that was terrified of being touched and thought I wasn't worthy of such affection. But my desire to be close to Rick was stronger than this and I returned his affection. Hesitantly at first, but then with more confidence.

I remember how terrified I was that first time. I did a good job at hidin' it, though. I wasn't scared of givin' up control to Rick; I already knew that I'd do anythin' for that man, that I'd give him everythin' if he was to ask for it.

I was afraid that he'd hurt me. That he'd use me and discard me like some vulgar toy.

I should have known better. I should have trusted Rick.

Rick was a good man. He was more honest and true than anyone else I ever knew. Every action he made, every word he said were meaningful. When he decided somethin', he didn't regret his decision and stuck by it.

He proved that to me that night. He was so gentle and affectionate that I was left breathless with it. I had no idea a man could be so gentle. I was used to the rough and painful touch of my old man. I was taught sex was painful, shameful, disgustin'.

Rick proved me wrong.

I remember how nervous I was the more intimate our encounter became, despite Rick's best efforts to keep me relaxed and make it feel good. My nervousness kept growin' with each piece of my clothin' Rick removed in the darkness of the room. I knew he could feel it all with his hands; all the scars that littered my body and left me uglier and uglier. It was the proof of my weakness, my past sufferin' and my shame. I wanted 'em to stay my secret forever.

But I let Rick feel 'em, take 'em in, and never once did he look disgusted. He accepted 'em, just as he accepted every part of me.

There was no way I could stop this from happenin' then. He had caught me in his trap, and he was showin' me that he wouldn't give me back my freedom that easily.

But I couldn't care less. I didn't want it back. It was the only thing I knew with certainty.

I wanted this badly and surrendered myself willingly to Rick. I didn't regret it to this day, not for a second, even if my brother discovered our relationship.

I knew, when I accepted to be Rick's, that Merle'd find out sooner or later, but there was no way in hell I coulda been prepared for his reaction.

I knew my brother. Our old man had beaten repeatedly in his head that he had to be racist and homophobic. Because of that, I didn't need to be a genius to know he wouldn't like me goin' out with Rick. He wouldn't stand his baby brother bein' a faggot.

I was right. I just didn't expect him to reveal what my old man did to me in front of everyone. I couldn't bear the thought of everyone knowin' 'bout my twisted past, I couldn't bear their pityin' or judgmental gazes on me. I couldn't bear the thought of them lookin' at me any differently.

So I left. I went to the forest, hoping that huntin' somethin'd help me vent my anger and turmoil. It didn't help. Only seein' Rick later in the night and bein' in his presence helped to calm me down. I was amazed that he was still there for me. I knew I was a handful, and that I didn't deserve Rick's gentle attention. But he seemed to think otherwise.

That's probably what pushed me to tell him my past. How my old man had treated me, the constant rapes, the reason why I loved Merle despite everythin'…

It felt so good to finally tell this to someone. A huge weight seemed to lift from my shoulders once I told Rick, but it wasn't enough to overlap the gut-wrenching fear I felt at the thought of Rick leavin' me now that he knew the real me.

I was sure that once I'd meet his gaze, I'd read nothin' but disgust in it. There was no way he could care for someone as broken, filthy and scarred as me.

There was no way in hell.

My heart threatened to burst out of my chest when Rick did the contrary to what I believed he would. He showed me with kind words and gentle arms and lips that he wouldn't leave me for anythin' in the world.

It hit me like a hurricane, leaving me feeling like a train wreck. All in the midst of a couple of seconds, Rick was able to begin healin' wounds decades old, wounds that never truly closed.

I couldn't stop the silent tear of relief and liberation from rollin' down my cheek then, and I was glad Rick didn't mention it.

Warmth had flooded my chest, the same one that I grew accustomed to whenever Rick was concerned, but this time I finally recognized it for what it truly was.

Love.

I couldn't blind myself to it any longer. I loved that insufferable cop, that kind and honest man who gave me a place in his heart and who thought me worthy enough to be a part of his life.

I truly believed I didn't deserve it, but I'd take advantage of it for as long as I could.

To hell with what the others mighta been thinking of us, to hell with Merle. I wanted to be with Rick, and no one'd make me change my mind.

The world already went to shit, anyway. Nothing worse than that could keep me away from the first real slice of happiness I finally found.

* * *

When Rick woke up the next mornin', the first thing he did was smile at me. He didn't mention the conversation we had before we went to sleep. I knew he didn't forget about it, 'cause concern and protectiveness were shinin' in his eyes. But he seemed to understand without me tellin' him that I didn't want to talk 'bout it again. I was grateful to him for it. Recallin' those memories once was painful enough, I didn't need to do it twice.

As we silently began to dress ourselves to join the others for breakfast, I mentally prepared myself to meet the others. I hadn't seen them since Merle's outburst the day before and I dreaded to see pity or curiosity in the gazes turned on me. I didn't need any of that.

Rick didn't miss my hands shakin' out of nervousness while I was tryin' to button my shirt up. He caught 'em in his hands and yanked gently on 'em, bringin' me closer until he could lean his forehead against mine.

"Hey, everything's going to be alright," he whispered gently, soothingly.

I merely nodded silently in return. I knew Rick was right, but I still couldn't help bein' nervous.

I feared the others judgin' me, I feared what happened yesterday'd change their opinions of me.

It was laughable. I spent all my life not givin' a damn 'bout others opinions and now I was terrified of what they thought of me.

But then again, I had a real family for the first time in my life and I didn't want to lose 'em no matter what.

Rick and I finished dressin' in silence and left together towards the communal area. We were almost there when suddenly Rick gently took hold of my hand and squeezed it in silent comfort.

My first instinct was to pull away, but like always I pushed down that repulsion of being touched and let Rick do as he wanted. It would take me a while to be able to let him touch me without wantin' to flee from his touch at first.

I hated myself for that. At least now Rick knew I wasn't reactin' like that 'cause of him.

Rick only let go of my hand when we reached the communal area. As soon as we entered the room, all pairs of eyes were on us and I flinched instinctively, not likin' the attention at all. The room was silent, and it took me a good long moment to gather the courage to meet everybody's gazes.

To my surprise, I didn't read any disgust or pity in 'em. But then again, Merle wasn't in the room. He'd be a different case, I'm sure.

No, they were all looking at me the same way they ever did and a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders at that.

Everybody greeted us warmly and that's when I finally noticed Carl and Carol weren't there. I felt incredibly guilty then 'cause I knew it was 'cause of me.

I cared a lot 'bout Carol. She was like the sister I never had. I didn't realize she had wanted somethin' more outta me. I didn't believe that if things had been any different that I'd gone out with Carol instead, but it didn't stop me from feelin' guilty.

I feared I messed things up with her.

And Carl... well I liked the kid, and I hoped he'd get 'round eventually and accept us.

Soon after breakfast, Andrea came to the prison to propose a meetin' with the governor the next day at noon to discuss a truce. Rick accepted, even though I could read his skepticism in his eyes. I knew how he felt. We both dealt first hand with that psycho and we knew how improbable attainin' a truce with him was.

Still, it was worth a try if it meant eliminatin' that threat loomin' over our heads for far too long.

Rick asked me to accompany him to the meetin' as his backup and I immediately accepted. He knew after last time that he'd better take me out with him when he's leavin' the prison. I couldn't trust anyone else to look after his back.

I also didn't wanna spent another day pacing 'round the prison and worryin' 'bout his wellbeing, wonderin' if he was gonna come back to me.

In the afternoon, I was on guard duty in the watchtower. Deep in thoughts, I didn't hear at first the door openin' behind me. I snapped my head aroun' from my place sittin' on the table when I heard the loud footsteps approachin'. My jaw tensed in distaste when my eyes landed on my brother's stern form approaching me in an almost threatening way.

"What do ya want now? Insult me some more?" I growled tiredly while glarin' at him.

Merle stopped a few feet away from me and held my gaze coldly as he folded his arms on his chest. I was sure he'd resume from where we left off yesterday and I prepared myself for the storm of disgusted insults that was sure to follow.

I was surprised when Merle said instead in a curt and distasteful tone; "I heard ya was goin' out with Rick tomorrow to meet tha governor."

I frowned, wonderin' who told him that. I was aware that not a lotta people liked to talk to him. He musta overheard a conversation.

I turned my gaze away from my brother to watch the walkers packed against the fence and curtly adjusted my crossbow on my shoulder.

"Yeah, what's it to ya?" I answered in a less bitin' tone, lettin' my defenses down for now since Merle didn't seem to be here to talk 'bout my relationship with Rick.

At least for now.

"This is a fuckin' bad idea, and ya know it. Tha governor doesn't wanna negotiate. He wants to kill us all, and ye're goin' to give him a damn good opportunity ta do it," Merle spat out in an angry tone.

I turned my gaze on him again and saw the worry in his eyes. So he was worried somethin'd happen to me while I'd be gone with Rick. I felt insulted that he didn't think me capable of defendin' myself against the governor. I knew he was dangerous, I experienced it firsthand when I was captured in Woodbury, but I wasn't a weakling, and I wasn't a coward.

"He won't. I won't let things get outta hand," I replied coldly, defiantly.

Merle's expression grew darker and he spat on the ground.

"Ya don't know him like I do. I lived with the guy for almost a year. He's fuckin' ruthless. He won't stop until we're all dead. I'm tellin' ya, yer damn cop is makin' a bad decision and I ain't gonna stand aside and watch him gettin' my brother killed!" he said angrily, his voice gettin' more and more agitated.

Fury quickly overwhelmed me. I stood up and approached my brother until I was right up in his face. I pushed him back with both hands on his chest.

"Stop that bullshit, Merle! I'm tired of ya treatin' me like shit and then actin' like you care 'bout me! Pick a damn side for once!" I exclaimed with rage.

I was tired of his duel nature when I was concerned. Sometimes he was mean as hell, and other times he'd get all defensive of me. I was so fed up with it!

Merle glowered at me and brutally batted my hands away.

"Don't take that tone with me, boy," he said threateningly.

I snorted, gettin' angrier and angrier by the second.

"Or what? Ye're gonna beat me down? Ye're gonna insult me some more? Go 'head, I ain't afraid of ya! I'm done lettin' ya decide what's best for me!" I snarled angrily.

My words earned me a vicious slap across the face. It stung horribly. Merle never was one to pull his punches. He didn't let me the time to recover as he grabbed the collar of my shirt and shook me harshly.

"And ya think that lettin' that pig screw ya is what's best for ya?" Merle exclaimed angrily, an edge of disgust to his voice.

Here we were again. I hissed in warnin' and tried to rip Merle's hands off my shirt.

"Leave Rick outta this!" I replied angrily.

I was tired of Merle judgin' my relationship with Rick! Why couldn't he leave us alone? I made my choice, and no matter what he had to say, I wouldn't go back on it!

Merle finally released me, pushin' me backwards until my back harshly met the wall behind me. I hissed in pain and tried to push away from the wall, but Merle was up in my face in a second.

"What the fuck happened to ya? Why are ya lettin' him do that to ya? Why are ya ready to die for that piece of shit?" Merle yelled, fury and worry all mixed up in his voice.

I met his furious gaze and pushed him back harshly. He just pushed the last of my buttons and my voice came out freely, the truth of my words undeterred.

"'Cause he cares 'bout me! He's the first person in my fucked-up life that really gives a shit 'bout me and accepts all of me! He's family, and I won't let him down! Now ya really should get over it and accept it! 'cause I sure as hell ain't leavin' again!" I yelled at my brother's face, and watched as the fury in his eyes slowly died down to be replaced by worry and dreadful realization.

A heavy silence fell over us then, in which we stared at each other. I finally said what I needed to say, and now the ball was in Merle's camp. He either accepted that I was with Rick, or he'd leave, alone this time. I didn't want it to come to this, 'cause despite everythin', despite his shitty behaviour, he was still my brother and I still loved him. I didn't wanna see him leave, but there was nothin' I could do at this point.

Merle's jaw clenched with tension and he opened his mouth to speak.

I didn't expect the words that came out of it; "Don't tell me ya love him?"

His words held an edge of accusation. I stared at Merle's unflinching, demanding gaze, not knowin' what to answer. I never told Rick what I really thought, what I really felt 'bout him, so I didn't wanna tell Merle. Rick needed to be the first to know. It was only fair. I just hadn't worked up the courage yet.

"It's none of yer damn business, so buzz off," I replied coldly.

In a movement too quick for me to retaliate, Merle grabbed my collar again and pushed me against the wall. His furious face was only an inch away from mine.

"Do ya? Answer me!" he all but yelled demandingly in my face.

And I answered him, just for the sake of gettin' him out of my face. I was so tired of this conversation; I just wanted it over. I was so angry that I wanted to spite Merle and what better way than to tell him the truth?

"Yeah, I do," I replied strongly, my unwaverin' gaze bearin' in my brother's shocked eyes.

Time seemed to freeze for a long time then, with Merle's hand still grippin' my collar and our eyes never breakin' contact. When finally time resumed, Merle released me and to my surprise, he didn't try to hit me, he didn't insult me for admittin' I loved Rick.

No, he did none of those things.

He merely left as quickly as he came, without another word to me.

* * *

I didn't see Merle the rest of the day. I was worried he mighta left the prison, with the way he stormed off after I admitted my feelings 'bout Rick. Despite what I said to him, I didn't want Merle to leave without at least sayin' goodbye.

When I saw Rick at dinner, he asked me what was wrong. It musta been written all over my face. But I didn't wanna go into the details, so I just said Merle's name and Rick's expression told me he understood. There wasn't a lot of things that coulda put me in such an upset mood.

Rick didn't push me for the details and I was grateful for it. I was tired and not in the mood for anythin' else but to get a good night's sleep. We needed it; we needed to be in good shape and alert 'cause tomorrow we were meetin' with the governor.

Merle's words didn't leave my mind and as much as I wanted to ignore 'em, I knew I couldn't. Merle was right. The governor didn't seem to me like the kind of man to let go of his prey. I hoped he would, and I wanted to try believin' in it like Rick did, but I wasn't having a lot of faith in that.

I guessed we'd just have to see.

* * *

The next mornin' came too quickly for my taste. The rendezvous point was quite far away from the prison, so we had to leave early. It'd only be me, Hershel, and Rick. If anythin' went south, at least the governor wouldn't take out any more people.

The others helped us pack the car with some weapons, just in case.

When it was 'bout time to go, I spotted Merle watchin' us from the open doorway of the prison. His small eyes were travellin' from me to Rick, and his jaw was tensed tightly with fury and discontentment. I was relieved to see him he didn't leave, but I frowned at the way he looked at us.

However, my attention was turned away from him when Carol came towards me with a bag of provisions in hands. She handed it to me with a forced smile that tore at my heart.

She didn't meet my eyes as she said; "Here, take this. We never know what might happen out there."

I took the bag after a few seconds of hesitation.

"Thanks," I muttered uneasily, and saw sadness shine in Carol's eyes at that.

I felt immensely guilty 'cause I knew I was the cause of that sadness. But there was nothin' I could do 'bout it, even if the last thing I wanted was for her to be sad. Carol was dear to me, and it was killin' me inside to see her like that.

"Take care," she quickly said and didn't let me the time to say anything else.

Carol turned on her heels and retreated inside the prison.

I watched after her until Rick's hand gently grabbed my arm to get my attention.

I turned my troubled gaze on Rick. He was watchin' me with concerned eyes.

"We're ready to go," he said gently.

I nodded curtly, and with a last look at my brother and the prison, I got on Merle's bike and departed with Rick and Hershel.

* * *

As I waited for the meetin' to be over, I didn't remember ever feelin' that restless and twitchy 'fore. Not being able to be by Rick's side was makin' me feel nervous as hell. I feared the governor'd try somethin' funny in there and I wanted to be there to watch Rick's back, but there was nothin' I could do 'bout it and it was drivin' me mad.

So I settled on pacin' back and forth outside the building, and I ignored Martinez's annoyed glare sent my way. I knew my restless pacin' was getting' on his nerves, but I didn't give a shit. I could never stand still when I felt that nervous.

Our little talk after we killed the couple of walkers outside and our mutual understandin' was surely the only reason why Martinez didn't snap at me and told me to stand still. It was better that way, 'cause I'd have snapped at him in return. I wasn't in the mood for petty arguments.

Finally, after what felt like hours, Rick and the governor left the building. Rick nodded to the others and immediately went to me. He put a comfortin' hand on my shoulder when he saw the worry in my eyes.

I immediately relaxed under his touch and let out the nervous breath I'd been holdin' 'till now. I nodded in return before my eyes were suddenly attracted on the governor as he walked by us.

Phillip's dark, soulless gaze met mine and I froze in place. A dark chill of terror ran down my spine as my mind suddenly recalled the last time that deranged gaze had been on me…

_It felt unbelievably cold in the small interrogation room. Chills were runnin' down my bare arms as I tried unsuccessfully to get free from my bounds. Ever since I woke up in here, I've been tryin' to find a means of escape, but it was hard to do so with the Spanish guy watchin' me from his place standin' near the only door._

_The last thing I remembered before wakin' up in here with a splittin' headache was helpin' Rick escape from Woodbury with the others. I didn't say it, but part of the reason I wanted to stay behin' was 'cause I had the slight hope I might be able to run into my brother. I knew I told Rick I was with him, and I didn't lie when I said it. But still, I couldn't just leave knowin' merle was a few feet away from me._

_The other part of the reason I stayed behin' was 'cause I knew the only hope Rick had to escape was if someone held back the soldiers of Woodbury. That was somethin' I could easily do, so I volunteered._

_Though I had hoped I'd be able to escape after that. I didn't take into account that I was in an unfamiliar place, and therefore it had been easy for one of the governor's men to creep up behind me. _

_I didn't see the hit comin', but I sure as hell felt it when the handle of a gun collided with my cheek, splittin' it open._

_I collapsed on the ground and was near passed out, but another hit at the back of my skull had finished the job._

_And then there I was, tied to a metal chair in an unfamiliar room with an armed man watchin' me intently in silence, his gun ready to shoot me down if I ever tried to make a break for it. _

_The only thing I knew for certain was that I was in trouble._

_I lost track on how much time I spent in that chair, but eventually the door opened and a man I haven't seen before entered the room. Despite not knowin' him, my instinct told me he was the governor. He looked like the kind of man my brother'd likely follow._

_There was just an air of authority and danger 'bout him._

_Though he must have once looked proper and composed, he was far from lookin' like that right now. His hair was dishevelled; his clothes were torn and bloodied and a bloodied white cloth covered what once had been an eye gleamin' with fury and malice._

"_Leave us alone, Martinez," the man ordered in a calm tone, cold fury underlinin' the words._

_The Spanish guy threw a concerned look at his leader before obeyin' and swiftly leavin' the room, closin' the door behind him._

_As soon as I was left alone with the governor, a feeling of unease and anxiousness settled in me. My gut instinct was tellin' me that I should fear that guy, but there was no way in hell I'd show it._

_Instead, I smirked sarcastically at the governor._

"_Nice look you got goin' there, governor," I taunted, fakin' a fearless mask._

_The governor didn't answer right away. He walked towards me and settled against the table right in front of me. His left eye bore into my gaze with an intensity that made dark chills run down my spine. He slowly leaned towards me and as he did so, I instinctively drew my head back to keep some distance between us. I didn't like people gettin' into my personal space._

"_It was a gift from one of your friends," he stated calmly, but there was no mistakin' the boilin' fury in his words. _

_This composed attitude was worst than if he had yelled and raged. Despite not knowin' him, my mind screamed at me that he was dangerous. I smirked cockily at him to dispel my unease._

"_Then I guess ya deserved it," I replied mockingly._

_Before I could see it comin', a hand roughly grabbed my chin and the coldness of a knife was pressed against my cheek. I froze, and my eyes met the governor's. They were filled with a dark fury. _

"_I'd stop being cocky if I was in your place, boy," he seethed near my face._

_I glared at my enemy, hidin' my fear and my disgust at bein' touched under a tough façade._

"_Or what? Ya gonna kill me? Ya'll have to find somethin' better than that," I replied tauntingly._

_The knife dug harder against my skin and I fought the wince that threatened to distort my features._

"_Oh, I will, in due time. But before that, I'm going to make you pay for what you and your friends did to me and my city," the governor said with a barely contained fury._

_I held his gaze defiantly and spat at his feet, not givin' a damn 'bout the knife currently threatenin' me._

_"I ain't afraid of ya," I snarled while glarin' at my enemy._

_My affront was rewarded with a harsh slap across the face. I gasped in pained surprise. A strong hand grabbed the hair at the back of my head and yanked it painfully backwards. My whole body tensed up when I felt the governor's warm breath hit the side of my neck in an unwanted caress._

_He had moved behin' me now; I could feel the length of his body pressed against my back and I shuddered in disgust. His touch repulsed me; I hated bein' touched in general, but the governor's touch was somethin' I couldn't tolerate at all._

_I hissed liked a trapped animal and twisted savagely as much as I could, tryin' to get him off me. The governor tightened his hold on my hair in return, until the pain was almost too much to bear. _

_"You should be afraid. Oh, the things I'm going to do to you… You're going to wish you'd died sooner," he suddenly whispered in my ear._

_The implication of his words had me shakin' with unwanted fear. I couldn't mistake his intentions; I couldn't deny them even if I wanted to, and it chilled me to the bone. I wasn't 'bout to give into that fear, though. I couldn't. I had to keep a level head, if I wanted to survive and have a chance to return to Rick and the others._

_I ignored to the best of my ability the feel of that breath against my neck and clenched my teeth together until it hurt._

"_Try me," I seethed angrily._

_Silence answered me and dread settled in my gut. I feared what was 'bout to happen, even more so since I couldn't see the governor. I could only feel his presence behind me and it unnerved me. _

_After what felt like a long time, the governor finally released my hair and as he circled me to face me once more, I released a relieved breath I wasn't aware I'd been holdin'. My defyin' gaze met my enemy's hardened one. _

_The governor's good eye suddenly creased and roamed all over me, really takin' me in for the first time, and it made me feel uncomfortable as hell and totally exposed. I might as well have been naked under his scrutinizin' gaze. I growled threateningly and yanked at my restraints._

"_You seem kind of familiar. What's your name?" the governor suddenly asked and I froze, stoppin' all movement._

_I knew why he was askin' that. I musta reminded him of Merle. That was bad. He couldn't know I was his brother. It was too dangerous, both for me and my brother. No matter what that man'd do to me, I couldn't say my name. Maybe Merle never said it, maybe he never talked 'bout me, but I couldn't take that chance. It was too risky._

_The governor leaned against the table again and folded his arms over his chest._

"_You don't want to tell, hum? Something to hide?" he asked me in a suspicious tone._

_I snorted and quietly looked over at the door, silently wonderin' if there would be a way to get to it. There was no way I'd die here. I had to find a way to break away from here. There just had to be a way!_

"_I just don't wanna tell anythin' to a prick like ya," I replied defiantly, holdin' his cold gaze with my steady one._

_The governor harshly grabbed my chin again and his fingers painfully dug into my cheeks. _

"_Don't test my limits. I'm not in the best of moods right now," he seethed in return, threat and danger obvious in his voice._

_I really should do as he said, but my pride and the need to protect the others from my group prevented me from abdicatin'._

_I clenched my jaw tightly shut and glared at him with all the hatred I could muster. The governor tightened his grip in response until it hurt. _

"_What's your name?" he asked once more, and I kept on my silent act._

_I was dead seat on not tellin' him anythin', no matter what. As I watched him grow more and more furious, I began to subtly yank at my restraints. They were intricate, and I realized with nervousness and a sinkin' heart that I probably wouldn't be able to undo them. Not only were my wrists tied tightly together, but they were also tied to the back of the chair. _

_The governor suddenly released my chin and his hands banged against the top of the chair on each side of my shoulders. I jumped in surprise, not expectin' his violent reaction._

"_Tell me!" the governor yelled with rage and impatience, his face now merely an inch away from mine._

_I looked away in defiance, keeping my mouth tightly shut. I had the gut feelin' that it'd get ugly for me soon if I kept the silent act and I tried to hide my nervousness at that. I tried to tell myself that nothin' he'd do would be worse than what my old man did to me. _

_It didn't help me any._

_The governor leaned even closer to me, makin' me pull away from him uncomfortably._

"_You like playing rough? Let's play rough, then," he whispered aggressively._

_He pulled away from me then and before I could see it comin', his fist harshly met with my jaw. Pain exploded in it and I gasped as my vision swarmed with white spots. It left me stunned for a while, and the governor took advantage of my moment of weakness to undo the restraint keepin' me glued to the chair, leavin' only the one tyin' my wrists together._

_When I could finally pull it together, the governor had grabbed my arm and was forcefully pullin' me out of the chair. I struggled, hissed and trashed around like a wild animal, tryin' to get away from him and his unwanted touch. However, his hold was strong and steady, and he wasn't lettin' go anytime soon._

"_Let go of me!" I snarled in pure fear and disgust._

_The governor ignored my futile attempts. He brought me to the table. Once there, his free hand grabbed the back of my neck and he slammed me forward on the table. The air rushed out of my lungs and I hissed in pain as my split cheek collided with the cold metal of the table. _

_I shivered in disgust when the governor leaned over my bent form. I could feel every inch of his body against mine and I bit my lip harshly to prevent myself from screamin' out in outrage and fear._

_The governor's hand left my neck to grip my hair instead, and his fingers brushed my cheek in a deceivin' and unwanted caress._

_"Now you're going to tell me your name," he whispered calmly this time._

_His apparent composure was more frightful than his earlier fury. Now there was no mistakin' what he'd do to me if I kept denyin' him what he wanted, and it almost made me give up and tell him. But then I thought 'bout Rick, and 'bout Merle, and 'bout the others, and how I could possibly put them all in danger if I told him anythin'._

_And I couldn't do that., no matter what happened to me._

_I glared at the governor, and tried to stop the uncontrollable shivering of my body. It took me a good few seconds to rein in my want to puke and be able to talk._

"_Go to hell," I spat out hatefully._

_The governor smiled then and chuckled madly. I threw him a confused look as I didn't understand what I said that was so funny. I didn't know that a few hours earlier, the governor had bent Maggie over the same way he did to me, and that she told him the exact same words._

_"You're tough, I'll give you that. Even knowing what I'm about to do to you, you won't give up. I'll enjoy breaking you. And when I'll be through with you, you'll beg me to end your suffering," the governor whispered sultrily._

_The tone of his voice unnerved me. I suddenly felt a hand grab my hip and I renewed my struggles, hissing and trashing around to try and get the fucker off me. The hand holdin' my head down pushed harder to keep me pinned helplessly against the table. My split cheek scraped painfully against the metal and I whimpered quietly._

_The fear skyrocketed in me when the hand that had been grippin' my hip left it to begin' caressin' its way up and down my back. A sound much like a wounded animal left my throat and I struggled harder, hopin', prayin' that I wouldn't go through this nightmare again. It couldn't be happenin', it couldn't! And once again, I was completely helpless, completely unable to defend myself and put a stop to it. I - _

_My panicked train of thoughts was cut off when the door opened quickly. I grew unmovin' and my eyes went to the door to fall on the Spanish guy, Martinez, enterin' the room in a hurry. The governor straightened up, but he still kept me pinned to the table with the same unrelentin' strength. _

"_Governor!" Martinez called out and froze when his eyes fell on us. _

_Shame at bein' seen in such a submissive position coiled in my stomach and I clenched my teeth hard together to try and keep a lid on my furious emotions._

"_What is it? I said I didn't want to be disturbed!" the governor said in a bitin' tone. _

_Martinez flinched, but he quickly regained his composure and answered calmly; "I know, but you'll wanna hear this."_

_He made a swift movement of his head to the side and another guy who'd been standing behin' him made a few steps into the room. He fidgeted, his eyes travellin' 'tween me and the fucker bendin' me over the table._

_The governor made a curt nod towards the guy to tell him to talk. He did so with a shakin', unsure voice. He was obviously afraid of the governor._

"_While the terrorists were escaping, one guy from his group kept calling the same name over and over again. I figured it might be his name," he said quickly and nervously._

_I froze and my eyes widened in apprehension. I felt the weight of the governor's gaze on me then and I swallowed hard, hopin' the guy hadn't heard the right name, though I doubted it. I remembered hearin' Rick's voice callin' my name many times in urgency, wantin' me to follow him quickly in our escape from Woodbury. _

"_And what was it?" the governor asked urgently and I held my breath._

"_Daryl."_

_I closed my eyes in dreadful realization. I didn't wanna see the mirth and cold amusement that was sure to be shinin' in the governor's eyes. He wasn't stupid. There was no way I could deny it anymore. Now my only hope was that Merle never told him my name, though I highly doubted it._

"_Really? Interesting…" the governor's voice reached my ears, mildly amused._

_The hand grippin' my hair yanked painfully on it, makin' me gasp in pain and snap my eyes open to focus with a passionate hatred on the fucker pinnin' me down._

_Curiosity and awe were apparent in my enemy's single eye._

"_That's why you seemed familiar. You've got the same eyes and the same shitty attitude. But apart from that, you look nothing alike. I must admit, it's quite a surprise," the governor said in a casual, amazed tone, as if a few minutes ago he hadn't been on the verge of rapin' me. _

_It pissed me off to no end. I glared at him, which only seemed to amuse him further. I realized only after that what his words meant. He knew. He knew I was Merle's brother. Dread filled me when I realized what he could do with this knowledge. And there was no way I could deny anythin' at this point. It was too late for that. _

"_He's Merle's brother? Damn," Martinez said in awed surprise._

_The governor smiled cruelly, and I knew at once that it couldn't mean anythin' good._

"_Let's prepare a brotherly reunion, shall we?" he whispered, and with it an awful apprehension filled me._

_What he had planned for me and Merle couldn't be anythin' good..._

I didn't realize that while I was lost in that awful memory, I had frozen in place until Rick's hand on my shoulder shook me out of my dazed state. I came back to the present to find the governor's dark gaze still locked on me and I hastily broke eye contact. I tried to ignore the ill feelin' settlin' in my gut and the sudden need to puke at the distressin' memory of what almost happened to me at the hands of that psycho.

I met Rick's worried gaze and shook my head to silently tell him I was okay. I saw the concern and the curiosity in his gaze, but I forced myself to ignore it and got on my bike instead, eager to get away from the governor as quickly as I could.

What happened 'tween the governor and me when I was captured was somethin' Rick didn't need to know. It would only make him feel guilty for lettin' me stay behind for 'em and I didn't want him to get on another guilty trip. He had enough on his plate already.

'Sides, it was in the past and I intended it to stay that way. I'd kill that guy 'fore he had a chance to touch me again.

* * *

**A/N: **And there ends the chapter. Did you like the change of first person view? I wanted to put part of the story from Daryl's POV, just like I did with Rick.

I don't think I ever made that many mistakes in a chapter before XD But I can't help it, we're inside Daryl's mind ;)

Please, leave me a review if you like, I really do appreciate every comment and it keeps me going to know so many people appreciate this story :D

Oh, by the way, I'm sure I'm going to make a lot of you jealous, because I'm going to meet Norman Reedus - aka Daryl Dixon - at the young&Ernst Center in Ottawa in December :D I can't wait to meet him! I'll tell you all of my meeting with him afterwards ;)

So that's pretty much it! Take care, everyone! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

Love you all!

Rose


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